You're not paranoid -- the house really hates you!

Written by Cathy Goodwin, PhD


Lonesome. When Ms. Angelou moved into a designer house in California, she says, nothing worked. Her pictures didn’t look right onrepparttar walls. Cakes fell inrepparttar 118299 oven. Curtains fell offrepparttar 118300 rods. The house, she concluded, hated her. And it wasn’t much consolation to realizerepparttar 118301 house hated her husband, too. What I want to know is, how could she tell? Let’s face it, most houses hate their new owners. They have adapted torepparttar 118302 rhythm of one family and resent being sold. Like most cats that you rescue fromrepparttar 118303 pound, your house probably believes, "If I’d waited longer, a better owner would have come along. So I’m going to make this one’s life miserable." Those who are trained in modern research methods will be skeptical, but there’s plenty of evidence. Everyone knows what happens when you move into a new house. "You’ll see a lot of repair services inrepparttar 118304 first six months," I was warned. "When a house hasn’t changed hands in five years or more, lots of little things will happen when you move in." Now, you’ll notice this doesn’t happen when you rent a house or apartment. Some friends of mine rented a house while they saved to buy their own property. For two years,repparttar 118305 refrigerator purred andrepparttar 118306 air conditioner hummed contentedly. The plumbing flowed silently andrepparttar 118307 insect life remained hidden. Encouraged ("see, a house isn’t so bad after all!") they tookrepparttar 118308 plunge and bought their own home. I’d like to say they’re doing great but in fact they’ve dropped out of sight. They can’t take phone calls any more. "Sorry, we can’t tie up this line. We’re holdingrepparttar 118309 phone open till we hear fromrepparttar 118310 handyman..." Orrepparttar 118311 pest control guy, orrepparttar 118312 electrician. They considered Call Waiting but were afraid to jinxrepparttar 118313 only object inrepparttar 118314 house that seemed to be working.

THE INTERNET ADVENTURES OF STUPIDMAN

Written by Stupidman


Introduction

I have know R.H. Jaycox (Jay),repparttar author of Internet Profit Pearls, for over a decade. A while back he asked me to read a pre-final draft (don't know how many pre-s I should really use) ofrepparttar 118298 book. Technically I don't have a clue of what he was talking about but,having lost money through an earlier investment,I recognizedrepparttar 118299 truth he was describing. In Chapters 4&11 he recommended writing articles for ezines as a way of promoting a business. I wrote one, showed it to him and he liked it. Jay suggested that I write a series from my ignorant perspective as I try to implementrepparttar 118300 suggestions inrepparttar 118301 "final?" draft ofrepparttar 118302 book.

I've titledrepparttar 118303 series,"The Internet Adventures of Stupidman" andrepparttar 118304 original piece, " The Birth of Stupidman".The moniker seems appropriate as it is how I feel when I try to do something onrepparttar 118305 computer and it seems to reflectrepparttar 118306 attitude I get from my teenagers when I try to share my "wisdom" on any subject.

Jay said I should share a little background. This is my second marriage. The Boss and I live with my 13 year old son,Greased Lightning, and his 15 year old sister,Fashion Girl.

The Boss is one of those people who buys new technology before her neighbors can spell it. (She bought a microwave oven when they were so big they needed a separate room.) She's been onrepparttar 118307 internet since shortly after Al Gore invented it. She doesn't do sophisticated things onrepparttar 118308 internet but due to her seniority she's The Boss.

Greased Lightning is scary, he reads books about HTML, Java, JavaScript, encryption (Is there a Hacking for Dummies?). His fingers are a blur onrepparttar 118309 keyboard and his explanations are fast and condescending.

Fashion Girl listens to music onrepparttar 118310 internet, designs art and wardrobes, fills up shopping carts untilrepparttar 118311 wheels fall off and tries to find my credit cards.

Greased Lightning servesrepparttar 118312 function of our house dog. If somebody passes gas and chooses not to acceptrepparttar 118313 responsibilityrepparttar 118314 dog is blamed. Greased Lightning is our gaseous dog. Ifrepparttar 118315 computer crashes The Boss assumes it was something caused by Greased Lighting even if he has not usedrepparttar 118316 computer in several days.

I'm afraid to try things onrepparttar 118317 computer as I don't want to becomerepparttar 118318 gaseous dog. It's safer to be Stupidman.

Jay thinks there are a lot of people inrepparttar 118319 world who might have good ideas and are also afflicted with keyboard phobia. He says if I share my learning experiences (frustrations are more like it) it will makerepparttar 118320 world a better place, yada yada yada. Who's kidding who, if you buy through my URL (Greased Lightning goes crazy when I call it an Earl) I make $10. Remember, this idea came from Chapters 4&11.

THE INTERNET ADVENTURES OF STUPIDMAN The Birth of Stupidman I used to be smart. Not only did I believe it but many people (including bosses) told me I was smart. In college I learned a little FORTRAN and COBOL (main frame computer languages that are probably extinct by now). Inrepparttar 118321 70's and 80's I was a whiz at programming PCs in Lotus and Supercalc.

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