The second main component of first habit is around what Covey calls "circle of influence". While this is quite a basic concept, it probably will have biggest influence on your behaviour as it did mine.

The problem I have so early in my "Strive for leadership" is deciding where I turn first, there seems so much I need to learn and so many tools or habits I need to focus on that I simply have not time to do them all. How similar is this to when you want to lead? You want to start to make a real difference and feel as a leader you have some sort of obligation to do so. This habit will help direct you.

Circle of Influence (COI): The concept is that everyone has a limit to their influence. Things over which we have no influence, are outside this circle. It's about recognizing that there are things over which we have no influence. Sounds easy! What's for breakfast, what book to read? How about Global warming, or local tax rates?

Circle of Concern (COC): Covey also talks about a "circle of concern". This circle includes all things that we are significantly concerned about. This tends to be easier. However it does require us to grade these concerns. There is an underlying assumption that you can only be concerned about a limited number of things. For some of us this is hard. The point is really 'most' concerned. I find this worked fo me at different levels - at work, at home and personally. I still found though I could only have three general issues at each of these levels and had to accept that there were some things that I was not as concerned about as I felt I should be. This is about passion, and while it's a whole other topic I had to question what concerns I was most passionate about. This certainly helped me in this process.

The lesson is in balance and where we spend our time and effort.

My experience is that both my COI and COC are smaller than I initially thought and that assessment of both is interrelated.

I became distracted by issues that I had some, but not a lot, of influence over. My level of concern became driver to trying to justify some influence. What I was confusing was actual and goal.

When I thought about it, I realized my friend was brilliant at dismissing every book, concept, guru, self-help method, or healing approach he had read or heard about.

He was not directly negative or purposely critical. He sincerely wanted something that would work in his life. But he was unconsciously dismissing everything that came his way.

At one point I told him about a guru I had studied over two decades ago. I told him that people said, "My guru was obviously enlightened. He radiated it."

My friend cut in saying, "I'm sure there are people who saw that guru and didn't think he was any smarter than a paper bag."

Well, my friend is right.

But my friend is also unhappy.

I think there's a lesson here. When we dismiss people and ideas because entire world doesn't agree with them, we get to be right. But we also get to stay empty inside. By dismissing what could work, we dismiss our own growth. We dismiss what's possible.

It doesn't matter if book you read and love is loved by anyone else. It doesn't matter if teacher you admire is admired by anyone else. It doesn't matter if healing method that worked for you doesn't work for everyone.

What matters is you. Your happiness. Your health. Your healing. Your well-being.

Truth is, no method works for everyone. No teacher is right for everyone. No book is going to inspire everyone.

It all comes from within. You are first and final authority on your life.

Rather than dismissing what is possible so you can be right, what can you accept so you can grow?

Dismissing is often a way to deflect messages. It's a self-defense mechanism. If you dismiss book, idea, or method offered to you, you get to be right --- and stay right where you're at.

Every successful person I know has accepted new tools into their lives over years, spent thousands of dollars on personal growth and self-study, and never regretted any of it.

The key is not dismissing, but digesting.