Writing Fiction to Get RichWritten by Michael LaRocca
WRITING FICTION TO GET RICH Copyright 2004, Michael LaRocca
Some of us write simply because we can't not write. Ideas grab us, move us, and demand to be written. We strive to make it as real as we possibly can, to improve at our craft every day, hopefully to make it into realm of literature as well as entertainment. We want to craft an entire world where places and people are so real that reader doesn't feel like he's reading a book as much as he is going to another place. In lofty world of literature that we strive for, reader will still think about book after reading that last page. It's our gift to reader, something to take with him. Given sufficient skill, this can even happen long after we are dead.
Then we learn that doesn't sell. Oh, there are exceptions. Some novelists make a living by consistently writing quality literature. But, there are quite a few best sellers who have no such goals. They write for money, and they make it.
Even writer who has written great literature has trouble marketing it that way. We have to look at our "target audience." Who will buy this book? Let me see, our heroine survived spousal abuse, so there's an audience. There's a suicide, so we can get bereavement crowd. Where's setting? We can get a local audience. The hero's a cop. Maybe teen boys will go for that. Nah, too light on action. But there's a romance. Maybe we'll market to romance readers. Give hero bedroom eyes and pass him off as a romantic hero. Yeah, that might work.
But if you want to write to get rich, even that's not enough. Nah, time to think about your reader is before you write book, not after.
Throw in lots of gratuitous sex, preferably extramarital. One (and only one) character who flirts and is sorely tempted and walks away from "love" to remain true to his wife.
Use taboo words for shock value. Ram, hump, scream, oral sex, voluptuous, female orgasm (the great revelation). Make sure a lot of your leads enjoy sex. Horny women are a good way to pull in readers you want. We all know men are horny, but most of your readers haven't discovered that some women enjoy sex too. Tell them this. Give female readers a balm for their consciences and male readers someone to dream about.
The Litter Box ShuffleWritten by M.L. Scott
Cat owners have a preoccupation with waste disposal that rivals only that of sanitation workers. Indeed, only a fellow cat lover could understand. The ultimate litter solution seems to elude us like search for Holy Grail. We know it's out there. And we know it should cost something less than a mortgage payment. Like Pavlovian subjects, our ears prick to attention and our wallets fly open at mere hint of an easy and odorless answer. The irony of this fixation lies in fact that of all animal species, cats have a preeminent position as being among cleanest. How many pets do their business and then spend an equal amount of time covering their tracks? Even people forget to flush. Hand a cat a roll of toilet paper and it would probably ask for a moist towelette. For their owners however, going one on one with a toilet bowl and brush seems to offer less chance of fecal matter contact than litter box shuffle. Whether we rake it, scoop it or crystallize it, we still feel incomplete. A little wistful, perhaps, as we eye Fido bound into a litter free abode after his morning sprint. For every hour spent taking dog for a walk, there are four engaged in litter shopping, hauling litter in and out of car, pouring it into box, scooping clumps, smoothing it out, splatter management (don't ask) and carpet treatments for wayward torpedoes and seeping ooze. (Again, don't ask). Not to mention incalculable cost of passing out from ammonia fumes of an overdue litter box. Rousing from a toxic coma with a pooper-scooper in your hand and fecal waste down your pants does something to your self-esteem years of therapy can't erase. Before many cat owners even contemplate how to handle waste, they lose themselves in contemplation of perfect litter box. Cat owners are faced with options that vary from motorized trays complete with motion detectors that purport to automate process of separating fecal clumps from unused litter without mangling cat to sifting litter boxes that allow you to shake, rattle and roll waste into a neat little package. However, even perfect box won't get waste from receptacle to local landfill without that human touch. And that's where things really start to get messy. Who knew that emptying litter box could be a lesson in chemical break down of amino acids? The interesting thing about kibble is that though it starts out as a solid with a sizzling bacon aroma, it ends up a semi liquid reeking of rank sulfur. And it sticks to everything. Everything. So whether your box sorts and separates like postal office or rocks like Elvis Presley, icky sticky bits make for litter box hell.