Words To Live By For The Recovering RageaholicWritten by Newton Hightower, LMSW-ACP
Publishing Guidelines: Feel free to publish following article in its entirety in your ezine, website, or print newsletter. The resource box must be included with an active link. Please send a copy of publication in which article appears to: newton@angerbusters.com Word wrap to 60, (653 words)Words To Live By For The Recovering Rageaholic By Newton Hightower, LMSW-ACP A rager, or rageaholic, is a person who is addicted to expression of anger. While many people feel better when they "let it all out" a rageaholic should totally and completely abstain from expressing their anger. If anger or rage is a problem for you or someone you love, following creed will help get things moving in a more positive direction. Read this list each morning before beginning your day: 1. I will practice self-restraint as a *top* priority today. (Notice that it does not say, "I will practice standing up for what is right.") 2. I will act *the opposite* of how I feel, when angry. (Notice that it does not say, "I will share how I really feel.") 3. If I feel that my anger is about to erupt, I will *quietly* leave situation. (Notice that it does not say, "I will stay around and process my feeling.") 4. I will find truth in *all* criticisms directed toward me today, especially from my partner. (Notice that it does not say, "I will explain my point of view.") 5. I will say, "You are right," in a sincere, meaningful way, when I am criticized. (Notice that it does not say, "I will say, 'You are right, but...'") 6. I will give an example of how person who criticized me is *right*. (Notice that it does not say, "I will point out an exception to their observation.") 7. I will repeat following sentence to myself today: "I am better off being *wrong* because when I am right, I am dangerous." (Notice that it does not say, "I need to stand up for myself when I am right." That is in self-help literature for depressed women. Rageful men are not depressed women.)
| | Emotional Intelligence and the Gentle Art of ConversationWritten by Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach
Having just returned from a cruise, where I was seated nightly with a table of 10 strangers, I was reminded of many definitions of ^emotional intelligence.^When I ask laypeople what EQ means, they respond “common sense,” or “manners,” or “knowing how to get along.” These are good definitions. And nowhere is this more evident than in gentle art of dinner-table conversation. WHAT ARE THE RULES? They used to be -- nothing controversial. This included religion, sex, money and politics. How far we have strayed from this. It was also inferred that nothing unpleasant should be discussed: problems with in-laws, unemployment, incest … need I go on? WHAT DOES THIS LEAVE? Let’s use this quote from Samuel Johnson, a writer back in times when men of letters spoke on matters of decorum: “That is happiest conversation where there is no competition, no vanity, but a calm, quiet interchange of sentiments.” Dinner-table conversation is not a time to complain, rage, or stress others. It’s a time to keep those things to yourself, and find pleasant things to talk about in a pleasant tone of voice. Yes, it takes discipline. It requires Intentionality, a high-level EQ competency. The intent is to talk about something informative, pleasant and enlightening. In other words, be ^good company^. Can you do that? If not, why not? Think about it. On a cruise, you would think there would be plenty of pleasant things to talk about, wouldn’t you? Rather, it’s an example that you take your happiness with you. I speak on cruises and have had ample time to sample this theory. Some people spend whole cruise complaining. YES/NO Here are some positive and negative examples that occurred at my dining table on this last cruise. Names have been changed to protect guilty. *Madame Winifred, a self-appointed ambassador for cruise line due to money she had spent cruising. Overdressed and arrogant, she spent entire time monopolizing conversation with vanity comments and being judgmental about staff. We had to simply talk over her, or ignore her and break into one-on-one conversations for relief, as there were no breaks in her monologues. *Sally entertained us with tales about teaching preschool and her trip across US by Amtrak. Also her childhood growing up as daughter of an ambassador. Could’ve bragged, but didn’t. She spoke a few sentences, and then tipped conversation someone else’s way - i.e., “…and so we moved every 2-3 years … what about you, Susan?” *Nurse Teresa informed us jovially about her day in Calica dwelling on negatives with humor. It was her first cruise. She asked rest of us seasoned cruisers questions which made us all feel important. This is always a plus in a conversation. A talented conversationalist doesn’t monopolize conversation. *Doctor Bob probably scored high on ^able to love and be loved^ category on VIA strengths profile (www.authentichappiness.com). Seated first night between Winifred and a drunk woman who never returned, he remained cordial and charming. BTW, showing up drunk is not high EQ.
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