Women in Transition From Post Feminism to Past Femininity - Part I

Written by Sam Vaknin

"[In]...repparttar brothels off Wenceslas Square, in central Prague, [where] sexual intercourse can be bought for USD 25 - about halfrepparttar 131120 price charged at a German brothel... Slav women have supplanted Filipinos and Thais asrepparttar 131121 most common foreign offering in [Europe]." (The Economist, August 2000, p.18)

"I'm also wary ofrepparttar 131122 revolutionary ambition of some feminist texts, with their ideas about changing present conditions, having seen enough attempted utopia's for one lifetime" (Petr Príhoda, The New Presence, 2000, p. 35).

"As probably every country has its Amazons, if we go far back in Czech mythology, to a collection of Old Czech Legends, we come across a very interesting legend aboutrepparttar 131123 Dévín castle (which literally means 'The Girls' Castle'). It describes a bloody story about a rebellion of women, who started a vengeful war against men. Asrepparttar 131124 story goes, they were not only capable warriors, they had no mercy and would not hesitate to kill their fathers and brothers. Underrepparttar 131125 leadership of mighty Vlasta,repparttar 131126 "girls" lived in their castle, "Dévín", where they underwent a severe military training. They ledrepparttar 131127 war very successfully, and one day Vlasta came up with an shrewd plan, how to take hostage a famous nobleman, Ctirad. She choserepparttar 131128 lovely Sárka fromrepparttar 131129 body (sic!) of her troops and had her tied up to a tree by a road with a horn and a jar of a mead out of her reach, but in her sight. In this state, Sárka was waiting for Ctirad to find her. When he actually really appeared and saw her, she told him a sad story of howrepparttar 131130 women from Dévín punished her for not following their ideology by tying her torepparttar 131131 tree, mockingly putting a jar and a horn (so that she would be always reminded that she is thirsty and helpless) near by. Ctirad, enchanted byrepparttar 131132 beautiful woman, believedrepparttar 131133 lure and untied her, and when she handed himrepparttar 131134 mead, he willingly drunk it. When he was drunk already, she let him blowrepparttar 131135 horn, which was a signal forrepparttar 131136 Dévín warriors to capture him. He was then tortured in many horrible ways, atrepparttar 131137 end of which, his body was woven into a wooden wheel and displayed. This event mobilizedrepparttar 131138 army, which soon afterwards destroyed Dévín. (Very significantly, this legend isrepparttar 131139 only account of radical feminism in Czech Lands.)" ("The Vissicitudes of Czech Feminism" by Petra Hanáková)

"We myself...and many others are not in search of global sisterhood at all, and it is only when we give up expecting it that we can get anywhere. It is each other's very 'otherness ' that motivates us, andrepparttar 131140 things we find in common take on greater meaning withinrepparttar 131141 context of otherness. There is so much to learn by comparingrepparttar 131142 ways in which we are different, and whichrepparttar 131143 same elements of women's experience are global, and which aren't, and wondering why, and what it means" (Jirina Siklová)

"It is difficult to carry three watermelons under one arm." (Proverb attributed to Bulgarian women)

"The high level of unemployment among women, segregation inrepparttar 131144 labour market,repparttar 131145 increasing salary gap between women and men,repparttar 131146 lack of women present atrepparttar 131147 decision making level, increasing violence against women,repparttar 131148 high levels of maternal and infant mortality,repparttar 131149 total absence of a contraceptive industry in Russia,repparttar 131150 insufficiency of child welfare benefits,repparttar 131151 lack of adequate resources to fund current state programs - this is only part ofrepparttar 131152 long list of women's rights violations." (Elena Kotchkina, Moscow Centre for Gender Studies, "Report onrepparttar 131153 Legal Status of Women in Russia")

Communism was men's nightmare and women's dream, or sorepparttar 131154 left wing version goes. In reality it was a gender-neutral hell. Women under communism were, indeed, encouraged to participate inrepparttar 131155 labour force. An array of conveniences facilitated their participation: day care centres, kindergarten, daylong schools, abortion clinics. They had their quota in parliament. They climbed torepparttar 131156 top of some professions (though there was a list of women-free occupations, more than 90 is Poland). But this - as most other things in communism - was a mere simulacrum.

Reality was much drearier. Women, however mettlesome, groaned underrepparttar 131157 "triple burden" - work, marital expectations cum childrearing chores and party activism. They succumbed torepparttar 131158 lure and demands ofrepparttar 131159 (stressful and boastful) image ofrepparttar 131160 communist "super-woman". This martyrdom - now threatened byrepparttar 131161 dual Western imports, capitalism and feminism - served as a fountain of self-esteem and a source of self-worth in otherwise gloomy circumstances.

Yet,repparttar 131162 communist inspired workplace revolution was not complemented by a domestic one. Women's traditional roles - so succinctly summarized by Bismarck with Prussian geniality as "kitchen, children, church" - survivedrepparttar 131163 modernizing onslaught of scientific Marxism. It is true that power shifted withinrepparttar 131164 family unit ("The woman isrepparttar 131165 neck that movesrepparttar 131166 head, her husband"). Butrepparttar 131167 "underslippers" (as Czech men disparagingly self-labeled) still hadrepparttar 131168 upper hand. In short, women were now subjected to onerous double patriarchy, both private and public (the latter propagated byrepparttar 131169 party andrepparttar 131170 state). It is not that they did not valuerepparttar 131171 independence, status, social interaction and support networks that their jobs afforded them. But they resentedrepparttar 131172 lack of choice (employment was obligatory) andrepparttar 131173 parasitic rule of their often useless husbands. Many of them were an integral and important part of national and social movements throughoutrepparttar 131174 region. Yet, with victory secured and goals achieved, they were invariably shunned and marginalized. As a result, they felt exploited and abused. Small wonder women voted overwhelmingly for right wing parties post communism.

Relationships with Abusive Narcissists - Part II

Written by Sam Vaknin

Moreover,repparttar narcissist is a man for all seasons, forever adaptable, constantly imitating and emulating, a human sponge, a perfect mirror, a chameleon, a non-entity that is, atrepparttar 131117 same time, all entities combined. The narcissist is best described by Heidegger's phrase: "Being and Nothingness". Into this reflective vacuum, this sucking black hole,repparttar 131118 narcissist attractsrepparttar 131119 Sources of his Narcissistic Supply.

To an observer,repparttar 131120 narcissist appears to be fractured or discontinuous.

Pathological narcissism has been compared torepparttar 131121 Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerlyrepparttar 131122 Multiple Personality Disorder). By definition,repparttar 131123 narcissist has at least two selves,repparttar 131124 True and False ones. His personality is very primitive and disorganised. Living with a narcissist is a nauseating experience not only because of what he is – but because of what he is NOT. He is not a fully formed human – but a dizzyingly kaleidoscopic gallery of ephemeral images, which melt into each other seamlessly. It is incredibly disorienting.

It is also exceedingly problematic. Promises made byrepparttar 131125 narcissist are easily disowned by him. His plans are transient. His emotional ties – a simulacrum. Most narcissists have one island of stability in their life (spouse, family, their career, a hobby, their religion, country, or idol) – pounded byrepparttar 131126 turbulent currents of a dishevelled existence.

The narcissist does not keep agreements, does not adhere to laws or social norms, and regards consistency and predictability as demeaning traits.

Thus, to invest in a narcissist is a purposeless, futile and meaningless activity. Torepparttar 131127 narcissist, every day is a new beginning, a hunt, a new cycle of idealisation or devaluation, a newly invented self. There is no accumulation of credits or goodwill becauserepparttar 131128 narcissist has no past and no future. He occupies an eternal and timeless present. He is a fossil caught inrepparttar 131129 frozen ashes of a volcanic childhood.


Refuse to accept such behaviour. Demand reasonably predictable and rational actions and reactions. Insist on respect for your boundaries, predilections, preferences, and priorities.

Disproportional Reactions

One ofrepparttar 131130 favourite tools of manipulation inrepparttar 131131 narcissist's arsenal isrepparttar 131132 disproportionality of his reactions. He reacts with supreme rage torepparttar 131133 slightest slight. He punishes severely for what he perceives to be an offence against him, no matter how minor. He throws a temper tantrum over any discord or disagreement, however gently and considerately expressed. Or he may act attentive, charming and seductive (even over-sexed, if need be). This ever-shifting emotional landscape ("affective dunes") coupled with an inordinately harsh and arbitrarily applied “penal code” are both promulgated byrepparttar 131134 narcissist. Neediness and dependence onrepparttar 131135 source of all justice meted – onrepparttar 131136 narcissist – are thus guaranteed.


Demand a just and proportional treatment. Reject or ignore unjust and capricious behaviour.

If you are up torepparttar 131137 inevitable confrontation, react in kind. Let him taste some of his own medicine.

Dehumanization and Objectification

People have a need to believe inrepparttar 131138 empathic skills and basic good-heartedness of others. By dehumanising and objectifying people –repparttar 131139 narcissist attacksrepparttar 131140 very foundations ofrepparttar 131141 social treaty. This isrepparttar 131142 "alien" aspect of narcissists – they may be excellent imitations of fully formed adults but they are emotionally non-existent, or, at best, immature.

This is so horrid, so repulsive, so phantasmagoric – that people recoil in terror. It is then, with their defences absolutely down, that they arerepparttar 131143 most susceptible and vulnerable torepparttar 131144 narcissist's control. Physical, psychological, verbal and sexual abuse are all forms of dehumanisation and objectification.


Never show your abuser that you are afraid of him. Do not negotiate with bullies. They are insatiable. Do not succumb to blackmail.

If things get rough- disengage, involve law enforcement officers, friends and colleagues, or threaten him (legally).

Do not keep your abuse a secret. Secrecy isrepparttar 131145 abuser's weapon.

Never give him a second chance. React with your full arsenal torepparttar 131146 first transgression.

Abuse of Information

Fromrepparttar 131147 first moments of an encounter with another person,repparttar 131148 narcissist is onrepparttar 131149 prowl. He collects information withrepparttar 131150 intention of applying it later to extract Narcissistic Supply. The more he knows about his potential Source of Supply –repparttar 131151 better able he is to coerce, manipulate, charm, extort or convert it "torepparttar 131152 cause". The narcissist does not hesitate to abuserepparttar 131153 information he gleaned, regardless of its intimate nature orrepparttar 131154 circumstances in which he obtained it. This is a powerful tool in his armoury.


Be guarded. Don't be too forthcoming in a first or casual meeting. Gather intelligence.

Be yourself. Don't misrepresent your wishes, boundaries, preferences, priorities, and red lines.

Cont'd on page 2 ==>
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