Women and Self EsteemWritten by Maggie Vlazny, MSW
What do you like about yourself? Are you proud of yourself? If these questions make you feel uncomfortable, or you cannot answer them, chances are that you have a problem with self esteem. Why is that? Why do so many of us basically dislike ourselves? Why are we embarrassed to "esteem" ourselves? Before answering this question, we must first define self-esteem. Self esteem comes from inside out. It means that a woman is not dependent upon anyone else to make her feel good about herself, because she already knows she's fine just way she is. She is confident and aware of her strengths and abilities. She wants to share them with others. This does not mean she os conceited. She is also aware of areas needing work and growth. But that's ok, because she knows she's not perfect, and she doesn't have to be. No one is. She understands that we all have our strengths and weaknesses. Self-esteem is a core identity issue, essential to personal validation and our ability to experience joy. Once achieved, it comes from inside out. But it is assaulted or stunted from outside in. A woman with low self-esteem does not feel good about herself because she has absorbed negative messages about women from culture and/or relationships. The reign of youth, beauty and thinness in our society dooms every woman to eventual failure. Women's magazines, starting with teenage market, program them to focus all their efforts on their appearance. Many girls learn, by age 12, to drop formerly enjoyable activities in favor of beauty treadmill leading to nowhere. They become fanatical about diets. They munch, like rabbits, on leaves without salad dressing, jog in ice storms, and swear they love it! Ads abound for cosmetic surgery, enticing us to "repair" our aging bodies, as if natural process of aging were an accident or a disease. Yet with all this effort, they still never feel like they are good enough. How can they? Magazine models are airbrushed to perfection, and anorexic. "Beautiful" movie stars are whipped into perfect shape by personal trainers, and use surgery to create an unnatural cultural ideal. But youth cannot last. It is not meant to. If women buy into this image of beauty, then best an older woman can strive for is looking "good for her age" or worse yet, "well preserved". Mummies are well preserved. Mummies are also dead. Abusive experiences join with cultural messages to assault female self esteem. Abuse is pervasive and cuts across all socioeconomic lines. It invariably sends message that victim is worthless. Many, many women have told me that verbal abuse has hurt them far more than any physical act. As one woman put it, "his words scarred my soul". Women whose abuse started as children have most fragile sense of identity and self worth.
| | Sharin' Food With WomenWritten by Ed Williams
Most of you who read my columns know that I love women. Absolutely love them. To me, women are God’s finest creation, and then some. The most pleasurable and meaningful things I’ve ever done in my life involve women, and I’m more than proud to admit it. But, even with all things they have going for them, even with all of their plusses, women do manage to do one thing that drives me absolutely crazy. And then some.To illustrate what I‘m talking about, imagine a man and a woman at a nice restaurant. They’re checking out menu, and are about to order dinner. The waiter comes up to take their order, and proceeds to take lady’s first. After taking it, he asks man what he would like to order. And from here conversation goes something like this... Man: “Waiter, I’ll take grilled scallops with just a touch of lemon juice on them.” Waiter: “Yes sir, an excellent choice.” Woman (to man): “Gosh honey, I almost ordered that myself. It sure does look good, and I just couldn’t decide between scallops and Italian chicken. No mind then, I may just eat one or two of yours. You won‘t mind, will you?” ZING! It never fails - I hate it when women do that! You’d never see a guy order something, look over at another guy who’s ordered something different, and say, “Gosh Ben, you ordered something pretty tasty there. Mind if I try some of it when they bring it out?” If you did happen to hear a guy say something like that, he’d probably also be discussing interior decorating, window treatments, or worse yet, why Clint Eastwood movies are too violent. Not exactly a man’s man, for sure. On other hand, women are deathly serious when they tell you they want to eat something off your plate. They fully intend, when food’s brought out, to eat whatever they desire. And this drives me crazy for following two reasons: 1. There’s just something inherently unsanitary about something jabbing a fork they’re been eating off of into your food. I mean, just think about it, it can‘t be a good thing. I can almost visualize hordes of germs pole vaulting off that tainted fork right down into my food. Then, I can see them running around all over my steak, planting little germ country victory flags on it that say, “Conquered, in name of Germobia.” Finally, I can almost hear germs laughing as they jump up on my fork, saying, “Well boys, let’s deal a little dysentery to our good friend Ed here!”
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