This week we’re going to cover
subject of weddings from
man’s point of view.... That’s right, this week we’re gonna cover weddings from
man’s point of view. And why not? It’s June, right? The big wedding month? Well, okay then, let’s get down to business. Of all
activities or events that there are out there, one of
most feminine dominated ones are wedding ceremonies. Okay, laugh if you will, make all
comments you want about how weddings are for both
man and woman, and then sit back and answer
following questions to see if I’m not hittin’ it dead on
target...
What gender typically directs
wedding ceremony?
Whose preacher typically conducts
wedding ceremony?
Who is ninety plus percent of
crowd there to see,
about-to-be new husband or
about-to-be new wife?
Who benefits most from
bridal registry?
Which gender most enjoys dressing up for
ceremony, and which gender’s feet hurt for days afterwards on account of having to wear black leather shoes with triple thick soles?
Whose wedding clothing is preserved for posterity afterwards, and whose is immediately taken back to
rental place?
(..and here’s one to see if y’all are still paying attention) What gender typically pays for
whole ceremony?
See what I mean? And it gets even worse for
poor man involved. A guy who has a zillion girlfriends can announce one day that he’s found someone to marry, and everyone will laugh and wonder why he’s bothering to go through with a wedding at all, sort of
“why buy a cow....” type analogy. But, let a woman live with a man for ten years and then announce that she’s marrying him and having a big ceremony, well, no one will say ten words about
insanity of it all, in fact, it‘s usually applauded. Why? But it gets even worse for us males -
man, right after
ceremony, will be whisked away along with his new bride over to
wedding reception. This will typically be a super nice, catered affair, and one that
man has somewhat looked forward to as he has had to starve himself for several hours prior to
ceremony (he can’t have noises rumbling out of his stomach for everyone to hear while
vows are being recited, you know). As soon as he gets a little plate of food and readies himself for some much needed nutrition, he’ll be hemmed up by some of his new bride’s relatives and told to “be good to her,” or “treat her like we always did,” and my all-time personal favorite, “we’ll be keeping an eye on you.” What
male discovers over
next few years is that most of
relatives who made these statements are either unemployed, struggling with substance abuse problems, or else follow religions involving
handling of dangerous reptiles. Of course, in all fairness, all families have their share of drunks and losers, but for some reason
new bride’s deadbeat ones want to dole out lots of advice to
groom right after
wedding. I guess that’s because they realize that
man will soon discover
true scoop, and as a result they’ll never be able to give out any advice again, so they have to take full advantage of their one good chance to do so.