Women Own Weddings!Written by Ed Williams
This week we’re going to cover subject of weddings from man’s point of view.... That’s right, this week we’re gonna cover weddings from man’s point of view. And why not? It’s June, right? The big wedding month? Well, okay then, let’s get down to business. Of all activities or events that there are out there, one of most feminine dominated ones are wedding ceremonies. Okay, laugh if you will, make all comments you want about how weddings are for both man and woman, and then sit back and answer following questions to see if I’m not hittin’ it dead on target... What gender typically directs wedding ceremony? Whose preacher typically conducts wedding ceremony? Who is ninety plus percent of crowd there to see, about-to-be new husband or about-to-be new wife? Who benefits most from bridal registry? Which gender most enjoys dressing up for ceremony, and which gender’s feet hurt for days afterwards on account of having to wear black leather shoes with triple thick soles? Whose wedding clothing is preserved for posterity afterwards, and whose is immediately taken back to rental place? (..and here’s one to see if y’all are still paying attention) What gender typically pays for whole ceremony? See what I mean? And it gets even worse for poor man involved. A guy who has a zillion girlfriends can announce one day that he’s found someone to marry, and everyone will laugh and wonder why he’s bothering to go through with a wedding at all, sort of “why buy a cow....” type analogy. But, let a woman live with a man for ten years and then announce that she’s marrying him and having a big ceremony, well, no one will say ten words about insanity of it all, in fact, it‘s usually applauded. Why? But it gets even worse for us males - man, right after ceremony, will be whisked away along with his new bride over to wedding reception. This will typically be a super nice, catered affair, and one that man has somewhat looked forward to as he has had to starve himself for several hours prior to ceremony (he can’t have noises rumbling out of his stomach for everyone to hear while vows are being recited, you know). As soon as he gets a little plate of food and readies himself for some much needed nutrition, he’ll be hemmed up by some of his new bride’s relatives and told to “be good to her,” or “treat her like we always did,” and my all-time personal favorite, “we’ll be keeping an eye on you.” What male discovers over next few years is that most of relatives who made these statements are either unemployed, struggling with substance abuse problems, or else follow religions involving handling of dangerous reptiles. Of course, in all fairness, all families have their share of drunks and losers, but for some reason new bride’s deadbeat ones want to dole out lots of advice to groom right after wedding. I guess that’s because they realize that man will soon discover true scoop, and as a result they’ll never be able to give out any advice again, so they have to take full advantage of their one good chance to do so.
| | April Fool's DayWritten by Birmingham UK Com
April Fool’s Day originates from Germany. It is believed to be brain child of Gabriel Hoffman who lived in Damstadt during 1860’s. The day is celebrated in many countries with execution of elaborate practical jokes on unsuspecting victims. April 1st is accepted date for April Fool’s Day when both simple and very sophisticated jokes are known to catch out unwary or gullible.There is evidence of a similar day in Gregorian calendar of 1582 and even as far back as ancient Rome when practice would have been observed on New Years Day. Originally April Fool’s Day jokes typically would have involved sending a person on a ridiculous errand. A builders merchant might send an apprentice to obtain some sky hooks or a long wait ( weight ) and embarrass them after a period of time with utterance of words April Fool. It is tradition for jokes or pranks to end by noon. Carrying out an April Fool’s Day joke on someone after this time is said to bring bad luck. Over years there have been some very elaborate hoaxes even by large TV corporations. The BBC managed to convince its audience in 1957 that Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. They showed footage of spaghetti growing on trees and were inundated with calls from general public asking for advice on growing spaghetti. The BBC even had audacity to suggest placing a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce to assist its growth. April 1st is not an officially recognised holiday or event but it is practised regularly in UK. Prince Charles has been reported to have enjoyed April 1st when until as recently as 2003 he would cause havoc at Buckingham Palace where his favourite trick was to place a whoopee cushion under bottoms of Royalty, including his mothers – Queen Elizabeth!
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