We all want to be happy. However, if a woman pushes herself to emotional and mental exhaustion in order to reach “perfect” happiness, she could suffer from a condition she probably has never heard of: Missing Mother Syndrome.
When Megan Meadows (not her real name) came to me, she just wanted to lose weight. “Look at me!” she shouted, pinching her thighs. “I am fat! I am ugly! I hate my body!” Well, there was some middle-age spread, but she certainly was a very nice looking woman. Where did all this self-hate come from?
I am a Meridian Therapy practitioner who uses EFT, a form of emotional acupressure, to release negative emotions. Tapping with fingertips on certain energy points on body while being “tuned in” to problem, does stop food cravings. EFT is quite successful when it comes to weight loss. However, I realized that Megan’s real challenges went far deeper than what she perceived right now as her “big” problem. She mentioned that her mom had recently died, and that brought up sad story of her childhood. ”I didn’t have a mother”, Megan said. “She was always gone, and when she was there, she tried to create little girl of her dreams - she did not want me. I was a very lonely child.”
The way I saw it, Megan has been suffering all her life from “Missing Mother Syndrome”.
When Hope Edelman published her book "Motherless Daughters – The Legacy of Loss” in 1994, everyone who belonged to secret sisterhood of women traumatized by early mother loss, had a revelation: That's exactly how I feel - and I am not alone!
Growing up without secure presence of a loving, supportive mother implies much more than lacking a same-sex role model. It is devastating. Since mother is first, basic caretaker, losing her -in a physical or emotional way- starts a nightmare of deprivation for a child. In a way, it never ends. Many negative conditions and feelings experienced later in life may have their roots in this extremely traumatic experience.