Why Some Women are DesperateWritten by Carol M. Welsh
I asked Dave how he was doing since it was anniversary of his wife’s death. He replied, “It’s rough, but what is even worse, is women won’t leave me alone! I don’t want to hurt their feelings but they phone me too so I can’t even have peace in my own home.”
Dave is encountering desperate women who are 55 or older and feel they must have a man in their lives to be complete. Their obvious need is what drives men away, opposite of their intent.
You react to people based on how you perceive them. These perceptions are influenced by your perceptual styles: Audio, Visual, Feeler, and Wholistic. Further, when you are desperate, this clouds your perceptions because you see what you want to see. “I just know I’m perfect for him” or “I know he’s interested in me.” You lose your objectivity.
Desperation makes you reactive causing your hot button to be easily pushed. Your hot button stimulates an emotion out-of-control, which is fueled by fears.
When people of Audio perception are reactive, there is an undercurrent of anger waiting to vent. Maintaining personal control is important for them. “Get out of my way, he’s mine!” There are basic fears for each perceptual style. For Audios, they are: ·Afraid of life being out of control (“With you in my life, I can be back in control again.”) ·Afraid of losing face and not being respected (yet, by being pushy or fighting with perceived competition, this is exactly what you are doing). ·Afraid of not being loveable (You speak you mind and may talk with a confrontational tone. For some men, this might too forward. They might like you but don’t find you lovable.)
Remedy for Audios: Lighten up and be sensitive to his feelings. Be willing to let him pursue you rather than you badgering him. If he doesn’t call or ask you out, maybe, as authors Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo say in their bestseller book: “he’s just not that into you.” If you relax and realize if it’s meant to be, it will happen, that you can’t make it happen, you will be more in balance with all four of perceptions. Your softer side will emerge.
When Feelers are reactive, they become indignant, feel sorry for themselves. Feelers are caring and will do thoughtful things but they are also setting up unspoken expectations fueled by their fears: ·Afraid of not being appreciated (“You didn’t say thank you” – an expectation placed on him even though he didn’t ask you to do it.) ·Afraid of not being liked, loved (Giving and receiving love is a top priority – “I want to him to share his life with me.”) ·Afraid of making a mistake (You don’t want to disappoint him so have a difficult time saying no to requests – an easy target for men who use women.) ·Afraid of getting hurt (You want to feel secure in a loving relationship. If he wants to be just a friend, you may feel hurt because you expected more.)
Remedy for Feelers: Realize your unsolicited help, such as bringing over meals, might be considered interfering with his privacy and won’t be appreciated. Become your own best friend rather than a needy, desperate woman looking for a man to rescue her. Men enjoy being with someone who is interesting. Show your natural enthusiasm for living – your fun side.
Menopause, Just What Is It?Written by Barbara C. Phillips, MN, NP
Just what is this thing called menopause? And what does it have to do with you?
Simply stated, menopause is a biological event that marks end of a woman’s menses and hence her natural reproductive cycle. Perimenopause is defined as period beginning with signs of approaching menopause and ending about 12 months after “the menopause”.
Worldwide, menopause has as a variety of meanings. Each and every woman’s experience is based on her physical and emotional well being as well as her social and cultural environments. While some view menopause as a decline in status, others see it as a rite of passage. In other words, there are huge physical, emotional and social influences involved in your experience of menopause and aging.
That said, what you really want to know is – “What will I experience”?
This is tricky, as answer is different for every woman. Some women barely notice a warm flush, while others have an intense reaction. So as you read some of more common occurrences, please keep in mind – you will do you own thing.
- Power Surges, night sweats (they can be all day!) and chills
- Insomnia, and/or poor quality of sleep
- Urinary frequency, discomfort and sometimes leakiness
- Vaginal dryness, irritation and possibly discomfort with sexual activity
- Moodiness. Perhaps some irritation, nervousness, anxiety and depression.
- Diminished libido (sexual desire)
- Memory issues! Some women call this “the pause” (among other things).
- Joint pain and stiffness
In case you think all reactions are negative, take a look at some of more positive and more important changes that happen to women.
- Greater sense of Creativity
- A sense of peace that has not been previously been present.
- Wisdom that only comes to those with time and conscious living.
Just as there are many responses to onset of menopause, there are many approaches you can take to meet these changes. As with anything, you must weigh any risk against benefit (this is especially true when you consider hormone therapy), your belief system, and finally, you must find something that works for you.