Why Do People Lie? Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as author resource box at end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.For other articles which you are free to use, see http://www.innerbonding.com Title: Why Do People Lie? Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 728 Category: Relationships Why Do People lie? Margaret Paul, Ph.D. Amanda and Ron had been married for six years and had two small children. I had counseled them during some difficult times in their marriage, but had not heard from them for a while. Then Amanda scheduled an emergency phone session with me. She was very upset. “I just found out that Ron’s been watching porno on Internet and lying to me about it. I had thought this was going on a couple of weeks ago because of a site I found on computer, but when I asked him about it, he denied it and explained it away. He is not too computer savvy – he doesn’t know how to delete sites - and today I found a number of sites he has visited. I can’t believe this! I’m very upset about porno, but I’m devastated that he lied to me! I feel like trust has gone out of our marriage, and without trust, what do we have? Why did he lie to me?” “Amanda, how would you have responded if he had told you truth?” “I would have been really upset and disappointed in him. I probably would have gotten angry. We have a good sex life, so why is he using porno?” “Well, he lied to you because he knew that this is way you would have reacted. His lying is his way of controlling your reactions, and your anger is your way of controlling his behavior. As long as you get angry when you hear truth, chances are he will lie to you. As your children get older, they, too, will lie to you to avoid your anger and judgment. It takes a very strong person to tell truth and deal with another’s anger and judgment, and Ron is not that strong. He is very afraid of your anger and judgment and will do anything to avoid it, including lying.”
| | Best Gift For Your ChildWritten by Sanjay Johari
This in my opinion is best gift parents can give to their children. And it doesn't cost anything, causes no botheration. The events that I am going to describe started when my daughter Shruti was about 6 years old (now she is 17). One day she came rushing to me back from her school with a request. "Papa will you please write a story for me? I have to submit a story in my English assignment." My first reaction was that thoughts like these flooded my mind - "Is it right for me to do her assignment? Isn't she supposed to do it herself? Will I suppress her creativity if I help her? Should I enforce discipline more strictly?" In spite of my apprehensions, which I tried my best not to show, I readily agreed to write a story for her. I didn't exactly write story, I dictated it to her. During dictation there was some discussion and final outcome was with our mutual consent. In her next term exams she got highest marks in her class which gave me some consolation that my doubts were perhaps unfounded. This trend continued for several years. Very often Shruti would approach me to help her in home assignments and I was always quick to respond. Jointly we wrote several stories, essays, real life incidents, biographies. But those nagging thoughts were always at back of my mind. However, Shruti continued to get highest marks in her class and I didn't think it necessary to change my approach. Gradually Shruti started doing more and more assignments by herself and in last two years or so she has not asked for my help. She still tops in her class and has turned out to be an exceptionally talented person. When I look back over years it gives me lot of satisfaction that I did not waver from my precept of upbringing a child. What was it that Shruti wanted when she asked me to write a story for her? Was it only a story that she wanted from me? Certainly not. Story was only a medium to share her excitement with me. What she wanted and what transacted between us can be best described by this term - INVOLVEMENT. This is in my opinion best gift parents can give to their children - involving them in your affairs and getting involved in their little affairs. Everyone wants to feel important and everyone wants recognition - even child. Involvement with your child emotionally is one way of acknowledging that child is an important member of family.
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