Whose Fault Was It?

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Psychology, Emotional Intelligence Coach


“I thought we had a call scheduled for 10 a.m. today,”repparttar client was telling me, with irritation in her voice. A client working on emotional intelligence, she was truly “showing her stuff.”

She was making me feel like an idiot, and also making me mad. “I had it down for 9 a.m.,” I said, “but I could’ve been wrong. Anyway, I’m glad we’ve connected. I have time now, do you? We can get to work.”

Wrong!

“It was at 10 a.m.,”repparttar 130204 client replied, digging in forrepparttar 130205 long haul. I was about to start earning my money. I train people in Emotional Intelligence, so this was both an “ah hah” moment for me, and an “ug.” “Ah hah” asrepparttar 130206 coach – I was experiencing in real time one ofrepparttar 130207 things that’s holding this client back. And “ug” as a person, because I was experiencing in real time what’s holding this client back.

No matter how far we move toward mastering EQ, we never get rid of those negative emotions, BTW. (The “ug”.) It’s a matter of getting information from them. So I note them, and consider what my response will be, if any. EQ is about choices.

What’srepparttar 130208 “ug” about? I knew we’d be wasting time and energy while this client attempted to (1) figure out whose fault it was, and I had a feeling (intuition) she needed it to be MINE; and (2) get her feelings affirmed that she had been wronged. And I hadrepparttar 130209 feeling (confirmed), that she was going to be a bulldog about it. Nothing short of someone’s head on a platter would do!

The “ah hah” was that she was inducing in merepparttar 130210 same feelings she induced inrepparttar 130211 people she worked with, so I had one explanation as to why she got passed over for raises and promotions, and why she had been called “difficult.” Now “difficult” had a face. Areas of low EQ had shown up on her assessment,repparttar 130212 EQ Map (http:/ inyurl.com/z94t ), but I was glad to see her playing them out, because then I could help her get unstuck.

Fast forward 5-10 minutes; it seemed like an eternity to me! She has gone overrepparttar 130213 details, using practicallyrepparttar 130214 same words each time, beginning to hammer at me that I admit it’s my fault.

I’m sorry to say I have her email statingrepparttar 130215 time I had written down, so there it is in black and white, and ultimately I produce it as we discuss her rigidity and need to “shame and blame” that’s part of her problem at work (and at home, too, I suspect, because we don’t leave ourselves either atrepparttar 130216 office, or at home … we go with us!).

Nor does she handle that well. Constructive discontent, an EQ competency, is decidedly lacking.

Her office environment is team-oriented, as many are today. The more work becomes team-oriented,repparttar 130217 more tempting it is to startrepparttar 130218 “blame and shame” game, and there is hardly anything more destructive to team work. Some people who are excellent working on their own, fall completely flat inrepparttar 130219 group environment. She’s bright and good in her field, and has previously worked independently. She refers to her team-mates as “holding me back,” and finds working with a team to be a strain. I imagine it is for her team as well, because her interpersonal skills are so low, and when she feels pressured, she becomes rigid and they get worse.

“Just getting rid of someone whose behavior is bugging you isrepparttar 130220 way teams get destroyed,” says David Schmaltz, author of “The Blind man andrepparttar 130221 Elephant, Mastering Project Work.” “On really high-performing teams, people don’t waste time obsessing over who did what. For better or worse,repparttar 130222 whole team did it.”

Got Magic? The Idealist Introvert Does!

Written by Nancy R. Fenn


COUNSELOR infjs are people like ... Chaucer, Goethe, Carl Jung, Mohandas Gandhi and Eleanor Roosevelt

HEALER infps are people like ... Homer, Virgin Mary, Shakespeare, Hans Christian Andersen and Princess Diana

The MBTI Personality Temperament theory and other temperament theories such as Keirsey, my favorite, divide introverts into four broad basic categories called Guardian, Artisan, Rational and Idealist. Introverts are people who are energized while alone and zapped of energy while being with others. Introversion is a legitimate personality type. Idealist introverts because they are so magical.

Idealist introverts are abstract in thought and speech. They are aspirational, positive and oriented towardrepparttar 130202 future. They long to unite people in peace and love. There are two different types,repparttar 130203 Counselor (infj) andrepparttar 130204 Healer (infp).

Idealist introverts make up just 2% ofrepparttar 130205 population.

Both types focus intensely on human potential - that of a few people around them -- and are amongrepparttar 130206 most "introverted" of all types, having exceptionally rich inner lives and little or no desire to be in positions of leadership. It is interesting to note, for example, that an idealist type has never been president ofrepparttar 130207 United States.

Both types of introverted idealists are rare, making up only 1% ofrepparttar 130208 population in each case. [No type makes up more than 13% ofrepparttar 130209 population.] The other group that is this small isrepparttar 130210 Rational introverts (Masterminds and Architects) who also make up just 1% ofrepparttar 130211 population each.

Temperament theory statistics may reveal a nonphysical Darwinian evolution ofrepparttar 130212 "more fit" in these statistics: Guardians and Artisans make up 38% ofrepparttar 130213 population each while Rationals and Idealists make up 12% each.

We creatures onrepparttar 130214 Darwinian edge-- Rationals and Idealists -- have both an advantage and a disadvantage. In a certain sense we are adapted torepparttar 130215 ways ofrepparttar 130216 future, which is evolving, but onrepparttar 130217 other hand,repparttar 130218 future is not yet here. And therein liesrepparttar 130219 rub. Suffice it to say, though we may be better adapted torepparttar 130220 realities ofrepparttar 130221 future, we are maladapted torepparttar 130222 world defined by "s" types,repparttar 130223 present world. I mean to say "maladapted" descriptively, not critically.

Now let's look atrepparttar 130224 word "idealist" for a minute. This word has several different meanings and connotations, many, it seems, concocted by They Who are Not Idealists and "They" are most certainly inrepparttar 130225 majority.

This is what dictionary.com says:

•One whose conduct is influenced by ideals that often conflict with practical considerations.

•One who is unrealistic and impractical; a visionary.

•An artist or writer whose work is imbued with idealism.

•One who idealizes; one who forms picturesque fancies; one given to romantic expectations.

•someone guided more by ideals than by practical considerations

Hmmm "unrealistic", "impractical", "picturesque fancies", "romantic expectations" … this doesn't sound very flattering. Further downrepparttar 130226 list, a synonym suggested for idealist is "dreamer".

Four of these definitions are, in fact, a real put down. Am I imagining a slight sneer onrepparttar 130227 lips ofrepparttar 130228 lexicographer? Probably written by a Rational (someone who would be interested in compiling a dictionary), we are defined negatively by what we are not - we are not practical and we are not realistic.

To put this in perspective, why don't we write a dictionary and define realists as people who are "nonidealistic", "lacking in imagination", "bereft of meaning and romance in life", "stuck inrepparttar 130229 here and now" ??

Well, no, we're not practical. So you won't catch us writing any dictionaries. What we are is magical.

Let's look further now, among ourselves - or perhaps some of you are reading this because your child or loved one has been "diagnosed" as an infj or infp. Let's try to understandrepparttar 130230 real magic ofrepparttar 130231 idealist introvert personality type. Take another look atrepparttar 130232 list atrepparttar 130233 top ofrepparttar 130234 page. Think ofrepparttar 130235 contributions of Homer, Chaucer, Shakespeare, Goethe and Gandhi. Can you think of five people across time who had a more profound understanding of human nature?

Idealism is related torepparttar 130236 Platonic ideals of ancient Greece-- as described byrepparttar 130237 philosopher Plato -- which are somewhat like archetypes in a way. One mathematician in a chat group recently said, "Plato thought what we see inrepparttar 130238 physical world is a dim reflection ofrepparttar 130239 true ideal thing. For example circular objects are crude approximations torepparttar 130240 ideal perfect circle."

Clearly this man is not an idealist personality type. As any intuitive idealist will tell you, there is nothing "dim" about manifest reality reflecting Platonic ideals. Our ideals, our beliefs and their beyond-sensory forms are vivid and infused with life.

Idealists warm to -- nay, set fire to, torch! -- their ideals because they respond to them as potentials waiting to be filled. In our minds, we can draw a straight line fromrepparttar 130241 thing we see in our Mind's Eye torepparttar 130242 reality it can become inrepparttar 130243 future. We specialize in doing this with people. Time and space are not issues.

Kenneth Silber, in an article entitled "Searching for Bobby Fischer's Platonic Form", published online at TechCentralStation explains, "This has potential religious implications; in a recent TCS essay, Edward Feser identified Platonism, or belief in a realm of abstract entities, as a key assumption underlying Western religion."

An interest inrepparttar 130244 higher realms is, indeed, a characteristic ofrepparttar 130245 idealists and a critical key to understanding their approach to "reality". The InfjInfp YahooGroup buzzes with talk about negative matter, extra dimensions, exotic energy sources, possible uses for becs, quantum computers, loopholes in relativity, space elevators, great unsolved math problems, consciousness, REIKI, Tarot cards and so much more!

Recently a new member Stela wrote, "I have never tried Reiki, but it is interesting to read about it. I am interested in healing and debate with myself about what type of healing I would like to do. Currently I am thinking about training as a nutritionist and using nutrition and herbs for healing. I also think that using prayer to diagnose and heal is interesting. Actually many kinds of alternative healing intrigue me. Has anyone ever thought of becoming a naturopath or naturopathic doctor?"

Another member Linda wrote, typically, and I don't "correct" email quotes because I think email is all about relaxed and casual, "I am into poetry (both reading and writing), music, reading, laughing whenever I can (Strangers w Candy, Mad TV, SCTV etc), and learning new things. I preferrepparttar 130246 mystical poets like Rumi, Gibran, Hafiz along w some contemporary poets, McKuen, Bob Dylan. My musical tastes diverse and eclectic -no specific genre. My list of favorites is about 2 paragraphs long! I like to discuss current issues and mystical, philosophical issues too. I'm a Discovery Planet Specials junkie and realize that what we experience here is merely a blip in time." She signs her email, "In Light".

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