Who You Calling a Hick?

Written by David Leonhardt

Who You Calling A Hick? By David Leonhardt

Forrepparttar last time, I live inrepparttar 118183 country, not inrepparttar 118184 sticks. And I am relaxed, not a hick.

Ever since we moved torepparttar 118185 country, I getrepparttar 118186 feeling you city-folk are confused. So here is a primer on what it means to be living inrepparttar 118187 country.

When you walk three blocks from your house inrepparttar 118188 city, you will be in another neighborhood...and possibly lost. We'll be approaching our next-door neighbor's front porch.

The neighbors are no trouble at all. Sure they play hard rock heavy metal blow-your-brains out music all evening...butrepparttar 118189 birds andrepparttar 118190 crickets drown outrepparttar 118191 racket.

Our neighbor acrossrepparttar 118192 road has a sign that stays lit up all night: Bert's Auto Repair. He no longer does auto repair, but he doesn't do sign removal either. See? We have a downtown, too.

We don't need streetlights. We already haverepparttar 118193 stars, thank you very much. What do you mean, "What are stars?"

You have gangs inrepparttar 118194 city. Every now and then, somebody loses an ear, a few fingers or a loved one. Ha! We have gangs, too. Our gangs eatrepparttar 118195 field mice. Bet your gangs won't do that for you.

Don't be shocked if you see a free-range skunk waddling across our front lawn onrepparttar 118196 way over there. We might not have major league baseball, but who says we can't have a mascot? And our theatre nights don't cost us much. Most ofrepparttar 118197 crickets and lightening bugs play for free.

Sure, I'll mowrepparttar 118198 lawn. Remind me next month.

Byrepparttar 118199 way, it's called a septic tank, not a skeptic tank. And yes, Irma Bombeck was right. And so arerepparttar 118200 weeds.

Every Monday morning I go for a hike. I tie up my laces. I put on my cap. And I grab hold of two heavy bags. Then I walk. And walk. And walk. And just when I feel like I can carryrepparttar 118201 bags no farther, I reachrepparttar 118202 end ofrepparttar 118203 driveway. Yes, Monday is garbage day.

Out here, we ride our mowers and push our brooms. Inrepparttar 118204 city, we hear you dorepparttar 118205 reverse.

Are We Too Competitive?

Written by Gina Schreck

Are we too competitive?

Are you a little competitive? Would you consider yourself a RAGING MANIAC when it comes to a good competition? Welcome to Competitors Anonymous.

You are competitive if you compete as you drive onrepparttar freeway--you know, you pick a car in front of you and pretend it isrepparttar 118182 Indy 500. You are competitive if you believe thatrepparttar 118183 rule in driving is simply to catch up torepparttar 118184 car in front of you!

You know you are a raging maniac when you find yourself trying to take down your eight-year old in a game of GUESSTURES. We have family game night at my house once a week and my husband has actually banned me from playing for a month because of what he called, EXCESSIVE CELEBRATION.

Okay so maybe I shouldn't have pushed her so hard when my team gotrepparttar 118185 word, "HUDDLE!" I get a little out of control when I play games. But it's all in fun, right?

They say men are typically more competitive than women, but I think we just compete differently.

Last weekend I entered a Tae Kwon Do sparring competition--well, a friend of mine had signed up and when she became ill, she asked if I would take her spot so she wouldn't loserepparttar 118186 registration money. What's a friend to do? I couldn't see her lose forty dollars!

I thought, “How hard could this be?” I had been taking lessons for a couple years and enjoyedrepparttar 118187 exercise inrepparttar 118188 sparring matches. It would be fun!

WELL...no one told me that they are out for blood in these competitions!

As I sat stretching before my match I watched this young “man boy,” maybe eighteen or twenty, throwing punches and kicking to warm up and he looked MAD! He looked over to his opponent and said under his breath, "Prepare to die!"

DIE? What was he talking like this for...it's just a friendly game right? Wasn't this all about exercise and FUN? I wanted to go out there and spank him or at least put him in time out for poor sportsmanship, but thought they might throw me out.

I leaned over to a woman sitting next to me and whispered, "Who is he? Inigo Montoya fromrepparttar 118189 Princess Bride? Here to avenge his father's death? My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father. Prepare to die!" She started laughing and said she loved that movie. We were likerepparttar 118190 old Siskel and Ebert duo. Chatting about movies.

I was inrepparttar 118191 middle of telling her that I had watched The Princess Bride at least 50 times, when all of a sudden, my coach pulled me back and said, "She is not your friend! She isrepparttar 118192 enemy! That is who you will be fighting in a few minutes!"

Cont'd on page 2 ==>
ImproveHomeLife.com © 2005
Terms of Use