Get Drama and Trauma Out of Your Karma
You finally make a friend or get a hot date with someone you're attracted to-then blow it by acting aloof or not being yourself.
Have you ever had experience of deciding to take a certain action, but end up doing something quite different? Crazy! Why do we do that? Often our actions are being run by decisions we made as a kid. Decisions that went on automatic, underground, behind-the-scenes, and now, affect us unconsciously. Decisions that are now controlling our actions in present moment without us being aware of them.
You land an exciting job-then blow it by "copping an attitude" with boss or customers.
Why do we get so off track after we begin with such good intention and courage? It's those pesky childhood decisions! As we grew up, we developed strategies to survive at home and in school. We wanted our parents' love and attention and a safe place to live. We wanted to belong, get asked to prom, and pass exams-while not getting beaten up by school bully or humiliated by gossip.
We decided to act in certain ways to keep ourselves as socially acceptable and secure as possible.
Congratulations, You Succeeded!
The survival strategies you developed as a kid worked! These behavior patterns were good, positive, beneficial, even brilliant. They succeeded in doing job they were designed to do in that situation at that time. The proof-you're reading this. These tactics kept you alive! Perhaps a bit bruised, but still breathing. Breathing, but maybe not as happy as you could be.
Once a Friend-Now a Foe
Have you noticed you're still using some of same behavioral strategies to get what you want as an adult that you used in your youth?
Playing naïve. Being passive-aggressive. Manipulative. Moody. Sarcastic. Confused. Spacey. Overly sexy. Other kid tactics: Pouting. Flirting. Whining. Complaining. Hiding. Running away. Giving up. Fantasizing. Acting dumb. Having accidents. Getting sick. Playing tough. Acting fool. Telling white lies. Acting like a victim. Pretending you're someone you're not.
Do these tactics work currently in your adult life to create what you really want-loving mutual relationships, lasting support from people and universe, vibrant health, boundless energy, real joy? Usually not! Since circumstances and nature of our adult challenges have changed dramatically since we were young, most kid strategies are no longer appropriate or effective. In fact, these old tactics now get in way of reaching our goals.
Why Don't Childhood Successes Work for Adults?
Because any behavior that is unconscious and automatic can't adjust to new, different and changing situations. So, these conditioned childhood survival strategies come back to haunt us when we use them as adults-like disruptive ghosts from past. As adults, we still seek to be liked, to be included, and to make grade at work. But instead of applying fresh intuitive responses that are appropriate to current challenges, we are on autopilot-unconsciously controlled by programmed decisions we made to deal with trauma and drama of our childhood.
Here are two real-life examples my friend Sulana shares from her life that demonstrate how childhood decisions affect way we create life in present:
The Great Pretender
"When I was young, my punishment du jour was being sent to my room. My room became a safe haven from rantings and irrational behavior of my alcoholic parents. To lessen scoldings and whippings, I quickly learned to stay silent about what I felt or observed. I naturally created strategies to keep myself as safe as possible: hiding my feelings, telling white lies, using sarcasm, and spending lots of time alone. And I discovered I got attention from my parents by getting ill or acting confused. So, I developed asthma and played dumb.