Who's the You Running Your Life?

Written by Keith Varnum

Get Drama and Trauma Out of Your Karma

You finally make a friend or get a hot date with someone you're attracted to-then blow it by acting aloof or not being yourself.

Have you ever hadrepparttar experience of deciding to take a certain action, but end up doing something quite different? Crazy! Why do we do that? Often our actions are being run by decisions we made as a kid. Decisions that went on automatic, underground, behind-the-scenes, and now, affect us unconsciously. Decisions that are now controlling our actions inrepparttar 126219 present moment without us being aware of them.

You land an exciting job-then blow it by "copping an attitude" withrepparttar 126220 boss or customers.

Why do we get so off track after we begin with such good intention and courage? It's those pesky childhood decisions! As we grew up, we developed strategies to survive at home and in school. We wanted our parents' love and attention and a safe place to live. We wanted to belong, get asked torepparttar 126221 prom, and pass exams-while not getting beaten up byrepparttar 126222 school bully or humiliated by gossip.

We decided to act in certain ways to keep ourselves as socially acceptable and secure as possible.

Congratulations, You Succeeded!

The survival strategies you developed as a kid worked! These behavior patterns were good, positive, beneficial, even brilliant. They succeeded in doingrepparttar 126223 job they were designed to do in that situation at that time. The proof-you're reading this. These tactics kept you alive! Perhaps a bit bruised, but still breathing. Breathing, but maybe not as happy as you could be.

Once a Friend-Now a Foe

Have you noticed you're still using some ofrepparttar 126224 same behavioral strategies to get what you want as an adult that you used in your youth?

Playing naïve. Being passive-aggressive. Manipulative. Moody. Sarcastic. Confused. Spacey. Overly sexy. Other kid tactics: Pouting. Flirting. Whining. Complaining. Hiding. Running away. Giving up. Fantasizing. Acting dumb. Having accidents. Getting sick. Playing tough. Actingrepparttar 126225 fool. Telling white lies. Acting like a victim. Pretending you're someone you're not.

Do these tactics work currently in your adult life to create what you really want-loving mutual relationships, lasting support from people andrepparttar 126226 universe, vibrant health, boundless energy, real joy? Usually not! Sincerepparttar 126227 circumstances and nature of our adult challenges have changed dramatically since we were young, most kid strategies are no longer appropriate or effective. In fact, these old tactics now get inrepparttar 126228 way of reaching our goals.

Why Don't Childhood Successes Work for Adults?

Because any behavior that is unconscious and automatic can't adjust to new, different and changing situations. So, these conditioned childhood survival strategies come back to haunt us when we use them as adults-like disruptive ghosts fromrepparttar 126229 past. As adults, we still seek to be liked, to be included, and to makerepparttar 126230 grade at work. But instead of applying fresh intuitive responses that are appropriate torepparttar 126231 current challenges, we are on autopilot-unconsciously controlled byrepparttar 126232 programmed decisions we made to deal withrepparttar 126233 trauma and drama of our childhood.

Here are two real-life examples my friend Sulana shares from her life that demonstrate how childhood decisions affectrepparttar 126234 way we create life inrepparttar 126235 present:

The Great Pretender

"When I was young, my punishment du jour was being sent to my room. My room became a safe haven fromrepparttar 126236 rantings and irrational behavior of my alcoholic parents. To lessenrepparttar 126237 scoldings and whippings, I quickly learned to stay silent about what I felt or observed. I naturally created strategies to keep myself as safe as possible: hiding my feelings, telling white lies, using sarcasm, and spending lots of time alone. And I discovered I got attention from my parents by getting ill or acting confused. So, I developed asthma and played dumb.

Whatever You Fear Has Already Happened

Written by Susan Dunn, MA Clinical Psychology, The EQ Coach

That huge elephant, I thought to myself forrepparttar 100th time, tethered on that tiny stake. They can weigh up to 7 tons, and there was this huge elephant rocking back and forth, kept from moving more than a few feet by … an electric fence? 25 armed men? No, by a small chain on a tiny stick.

How can this happen? How has it forgotten what it’s capable of? This can happen to any mammal, including you and me, and here’s how.

We have three brains –repparttar 126218 reptilian,repparttar 126219 limbic andrepparttar 126220 neocortex. (See The EQ Foundation Course© - http://www.susandunn.cc/courses.htm ).

Reptiles have onlyrepparttar 126221 reptilian brain,repparttar 126222 primitive brain that keepsrepparttar 126223 heart beating, regulates instincts, pumps oxygen throughrepparttar 126224 lungs. They’re born miniature adults and already know all they’re going to learn. So there’s no need for parents to teach. Reptiles don’t bond with their young; in fact they’ll eat them if they don’t scurry away.

Butrepparttar 126225 little elephant calf is well cared for. This is whererepparttar 126226 limbic brain comes in,repparttar 126227 one we share with all mammals. It’s how we bond and where emotions come from.

The young calf is cared for by allrepparttar 126228 females inrepparttar 126229 herd. They gather ‘round to celebrate its birth, trumpeting, and spinning, with temporal secretions running down their temples. They feelrepparttar 126230 bond.

Meanwhile,repparttar 126231 mother must getrepparttar 126232 baby up on its feet to nurse, or it won’t survive. It already has to learn something. And in this process, too, allrepparttar 126233 young females are learning about mothering. The hormones andrepparttar 126234 limbic brain drive it all.

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