Intelligence comes in many forms. In spite of this, however, our society focuses almost exclusively on academic intelligence. Think about it. When is last time someone said, “John has really high relationship intelligence. He has a skill for listening and understanding people. He must have a relationship IQ of 160.” We focus so much on educational intelligence that we have neglected to teach people about critical elements that make relationships successful. Focusing on traditional intelligence quotients overlooks reality that a “successful” person with an IQ of 150 could be completely unsuccessful at relationships.

I believe it is time to focus on things that really matter. It is time to talk about dating and relationship intelligence. It is time to teach people what makes relationships successful and what destroys them. Have you ever wondered what your relationship IQ score would be? Is it possible to measure a person’s dating and relationship intelligence? Absolutely! There are certain behaviors that make relationships successful and there are specific behaviors that ruin relationships.

In this article, I intend to identify some of common behaviors that make up a person’s dating and relationship intelligence. However, before you read on, I invite you to take a few minutes to write down ten behaviors that you know will make your relationships successful. Then write down 10 behaviors that you know will hurt your relationships. You may see several similarities with points I cover here, but you’re also likely to uncover issues that are specific to you and your needs. After all, no two of us in this world are exactly alike.

Here is a short list of fundamental behaviors that contribute to a person’s relationship intelligence:

Integrity—at core of every healthy relationship is honesty. Can you imagine trying to form a relationship where lying and deceit are common? Wouldn’t you much rather be in a relationship with someone who you know is completely honest with you? Don’t forget that integrity also requires that people be completely honest with themselves. For example, if you are upset, angry and agitated but don’t acknowledge it, you are deceiving yourself.

Affirming Worth—successful people send value to others. They assist in lifting others up and making their days brighter. Their greatest strength is sending value to someone even when they are upset or angry with them. Someone who can affirm worth of another person even when they are upset at them, scores high in relationship intelligence.

Feeling like there’s something that’s just not quite there yet in how you’re going about this whole online dating thing? Don’t feel bad, chances are you’re one of many people who’re still pretty new to this gig. Heck, internet dating has only been around for about eight years, so obviously no one out there can claim to have all answers.

But hey, seeing that we've been perfecting art of matching people up online all eight of those years, we’d like to share a little of what we’ve learned about how to make best of your online experience. Who knows, one of these pointers might be just what you’ve been missing in perfecting your own online dating adventures.

Therefore, without further ramblings, here are …

TOP 10 TIPS FOR SUCCESSFUL ONLINE DATING SAY CHEESE! Look your best and submit a great photo of yourself for your profile photo. A good picture really is worth a thousand words, and research shows that you are nearly 10 times more likely to be noticed if you post a photo to your profile.

And, same stats hold true when you contact someone you’ve noticed on site. If you don’t have a photo, don’t be surprised if responses aren’t too quick in coming back.

Now, don’t get mad a start making accusations about all shallow people out there. While it may be true that some people place too much emphasis on physical appearances, bottom line is it does make a difference when two people are meeting and making initial evaluations of their interest in each other. And, it’s also a trust thing. It is always going to be much easier to interact with a face than with a blank box.

FRESH IS GOOD Change your profile picture and greeting occasionally, add photos to your photo album, and login regularly—this will not only get you noticed, but it will help others get a more varied and up-to-date idea of what constitutes real you.

When something interesting happens in your life, tell us about it in your profile greeting. This is a great way to let your online friends in on what it might be like to actually spend time with you. That’s main goal of online dating isn’t it, to find people you’d finally like to meet and spend time with face-to-face? Anyways, it’s always more fun to hear about a crazy experience you’ve just had than to read same old descriptions of you and your cat that have been on your profile for months now.

As for photo albums, this is icing on cake. Not only do these photos round out and confirm physical picture your friends are forming of you, but they also go a long way in helping others really see what makes you “you.” The head and shoulders shot of you in your profile photo is nice and all, but when they see you hanging 10, running with your Chihuahua, or shoving a big fat piece of cheesecake in your mouth … now they’re getting to know you.

I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN ME Have fun describing yourself without making excuses about why you're on site or who convinced you to finally go online. Tell us what makes you unique.

Believe it or not, being an online dater no longer places you on fringes of society or even in minority. Online dating has grown up and moved into mainstream, and so you can now happily assume that face-saving qualifiers of past times online are now obsolete. And, more importantly, just realize that they don’t help your cause when meeting others online. One more thing … try to be original. Yes, I’m sure you really do like outdoors and want to meet someone who looks good in a tux and in jeans, but so does everyone else! Tell us some things about yourself that wouldn’t necessarily come out in an elevator conversation with your tax accountant. For example, what are you passionate about? What would you do if no longer had to work for a living? What’s your favorite flavor of gelato? Do you secretly wish everyday was sampling day at grocery store? … now it’ getting interesting!

HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY Don't be fooled thinking telling fibs will impress that special someone enough to get a relationship started... it will turn them off! Be your best self.

When you really stop and think about it, what do you think your new friend’s reaction is going to be if when you meet for first time it’s obvious you’re not person they thought they were going to be meeting? “Oh .. hi. I see that you’ve been dishonest with me from get-go here, but hey, I’m still thinking we’ve got a great shot at having an open, trusting relationship for long-term” Obviously not. They’re going to be hurt, and disappointed. And, your relationship is unlikely to get past wave goodbye as your friend gets back in their car to go home.