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Title: Addiction to Self-Judgment Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 704 Category: Self Improvement
Addiction to Self-Judgment By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
“I’m such a jerk. How could I have said that?” “I’m a looser. I’ll never get anywhere.” “I’m so stupid. I should have learned this by now.” “I don’t fit in. I don’t belong with these people.” “I’ll never be good enough. I’ll never do it right enough.” “I’m permanently emotionally damaged. I’ll never be okay.” “No one could love me. I’m not lovable.”
…and so on and so on.
Are you aware of your self-judgments? Are you aware of how often you judge yourself as bad, wrong, or inadequate? Are you aware of how you end up feeling as a result of your self-judgments?
In my counseling work with people, I find that self-judgment is one of major causes of fear, anger, anxiety and depression. Yet most people don’t realize that these painful feelings are result of their own thoughts, their own self-judgments. Most of time, when I ask an anxious client why they are feeling anxious, they tell me that it’s because of something that happened to them. They usually believe that an event or a person caused their anxiety. Yet when I ask them what they are thinking that might be causing their anxiety, they will tell me a self-judgment such as, “I’ll never get this right,” or they are projecting their own judgment onto me and telling themselves, “Margaret doesn’t like me,” or “Margaret is getting impatient with me.” When they judge themselves or make up that I’m judging them, they get anxious. There is nothing actually happening that is causing their anxiety, other than their own thoughts.
Pointing out to them that they are causing their anxiety with their self-judgment doesn’t not necessarily stop judgment. This is because self-judgment is often an addiction. An addiction is a habitual behavior that is intended to protect against pain. What is pain that self-judgment is intended to protect against?
