Title: What we teach our Children Author: Andrea Cyrus, Msc.D., Rev., Mht. E-mail: mailto:andrea@truechanges.com Copyright: ©2005 by Andrea Cyrus URL: http://joyfulparenting.truechanges.com/ URL: http://www.truechanges.com

Word Count: 377 Category: Parenting

What we teach our Children

I am becoming aware how much influence I have on my children and children I work with on a daily basis. This is big and true for all of us.

I teach them even when I am not aware of it, when I simply flow through house doing what comes next. Each time I get involved in their business, each time I talk to them, when I ignore them, as I am living my life, I am teaching.

What I do and how I respond to my Children, how much I get involved in their life it all makes a difference. The old way of thinking and approaching my children quickly falls away as I witness that as I am fixing their problems I teach them they can’t do it on their own.

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Title: Fear of Engulfment Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 782 Category: Relationships

Fear of Engulfment By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Roger, 33, is a successful engineer. Married with one child, Roger called me because his marriage was falling apart. His wife, Laura, had recently told him that marriage was over unless they got some help. She told him she just couldn’t take it any more.

Roger and Laura were both on phone for their first phone session with me. Laura described what problem was for her.

“Roger is never present – not with me, not with our daughter. He just does his own thing and doesn’t consider what anyone else might need. If I get upset or irritated, he completely retreats and waits for me to fix it. He can retreat for days at a time and energy around house is awful. I try to take care of myself, but I just can’t be around his negativity.

“On top of that, if I ask him to do something, he either refused to do it, or says he will do it and then doesn’t, or ends up messing it up. I know he is competent because of work he does, but he sure doesn’t act competent at home. The only time he is really interested in me is when I’ve completely pulled back. If I want anything from him, he retreats. I can’t live like this anymore!”

“Roger,” I said, “Do you know what Laura is talking about?”

“I know what she is talking about, but I don’t see it way she does. I just feel like she always wants something from me. I end up feeling criticized and trapped a lot. I shut down to get away from feeling trapped.”

“Do you still feel this way, now that she wants out of marriage?”

“It’s funny that you should ask that. No. As soon as she said she wanted out, all of my feelings for her came back. I can’t figure it out!”

“Roger, was one or both of your parents controlling with you?”

“Yes, my mother. She was incredibly controlling.”