HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES? -- Or, things you might have said to Eve had she tricked you into eating apple --
Copyright by Theolonius McTavish 2004. All rights reserved.
There are a few things that you might be tempted to say, if you had chance, (especially if you’re a fly on a wall in proverbial “Garden of Eden”).
Speaking of flies, here are some choice lines you wish Adam might have told Eve before chomping into that fateful apple on what appears to have been another perfectly twee day in paradise.
-- I don’t do “bobbing for apples”!
-- Let's share guilt.
-- You know I hate “Little green apples in summertime”, so play something else!
-- Before we get down to business -- when was your last dental check-up?
-- Not now, I’m busy killing bugs, worms, and Trojan Horses in my frigging PC.
-- I can’t imagine why you think I’d want to read your new diet book, "How to Be Happy on 500 Calories or Less a Day – Lessons From A Tart With A Heart".
-- If eating an apple a day keeps doctor away, I wonder if eating a hippo will keep taxman off our backs?
-- Maybe Martha Stewart can send us her favorite applesauce recipe from slammer.
-- I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “Johnny Appleseed” doesn’t live here!
-- If an apple doesn’t fall far from tree, would you mind picking it up because my back’s killing me.
-- My interior decorator says “apples and oranges don’t mix” – so how about a putrid pink grapefruit with a splash of yucky lime?