Learning to recognize and stay with our feelings is a valuable experience. We can learn that just because we feel something, we don't have to act on it. Or that we can be angry and choose how to respond rather than let anger control us. The more we know how we feel and ways to feel, release, be with, or let go of our feelings, better we feel about ourselves.

But how do I know what I'm feeling?

If you don't know how you feel or how to get in touch with your feelings: 1. Identify how you feel:

* Sit quietly for a moment; you might want to close your eyes, and then wait and see what you notice from inside.

* Notice how different areas of your body feel.

* Focus on areas of tension, breathe, and see if anything comes to your awareness. You don’t have to think about it.

* Notice whether any thoughts, images, feelings, memories, sounds come to you.

* If nothing comes, that’s okay. You may still want to continue.

* Ask yourself how you're feeling, and be aware of what comes up.

* You don’t have to figure anything out, just be aware.

* If nothing comes to you, that's okay. Sometimes that happens. You may still want to try again, another time.

2. Acknowledge your feelings:

* If you know how you feel, let yourself know that this is how you are feeling right now, and that’s okay.

* You don’t have to know where it is coming from.

* You don’t even have to know what to name it; you may simply know that you have a lot of pain in your chest.

* Breathe through it.

* Let your feelings just be there.

* You don’t have to do anything with them, just accept that this is how you feel.

But where do these feelings come from? They just seemed to come out of blue.

If you want to understand why you feel a certain way:

1. Identify source of your feelings:

* Know that you are not being "silly" or "crazy" for feeling how you feel; your feelings are there for a good reason.

* Turn inward, and ask yourself what are these feelings connected to.

* Wait and see what you notice. You might just know. You might remember something, see an image, hear a sound, notice tension in a particular area of your body.

* Try not to analyse, interpret or judge what comes to you. Be open to what you notice.

* Go deeper. We may think we already know why we're feeling a certain way, but sometimes there is more to it than what we think. Being patient and receptive helps us to go deeper.

* If nothing comes to you, that’s okay, too. It helps to just let yourself feel.

What do I do with these feelings?

2. Express or release your feelings.

Even if you don't know why you are feeling this way, you can still express yourself in privacy of your own home.

* Focus on how you feel. Open your mouth and let a sound come from that feeling.

* Move with feeling. You can dance, stomp around, kick, hit something.

Portable comfort means bringing something with you on purpose that helps you to feel comforted, and reminds you that you are safe and loved. There are many different ways of bringing comfort with you - and they don’t all have to be obvious.

I take portable comfort with me whenever I leave house. I have things already placed in my backpack, pockets of my coat, and sometimes even my jeans, so if I forget to bring something extra with me, I already have something with me. And I always wear same necklace; it’s always with me.

If you have time before you leave for day, it’s a good idea to associate whatever good feeling you want to remind yourself of (comfort, safety, love) with object. To do this, take a moment and remember when you felt comforted, safe, or loved. Hold that feeling to you. Now imagine that good feeling flowing into object. Tell yourself that whenever you see or feel or notice that object in your day, you will be reminded of that good feeling, and feel it again.

Here are a few suggestions of ways you can take some portable comfort along with you:

* carry things in your pockets. Things that you put in your pockets are usually better if they’re small. You might carry something like: o a small stone (a stone from water, or a polished amethyst), o a small pewter figure or object, o a picture with a backing on it or laminated or plasticized (like a picture in a key chain), o a small squishy toy, etc.

* wear a necklace that makes you feel strong or good or happy. The necklace can go under your shirt - no one else has to see it -- and you can feel it against your skin and be reminded of safety. Or you can wear it outside your shirt, and let yourself see it. The necklace might be one that someone special gave you, or one that you picked out and were drawn to. You might pick a necklace with: o a stone that you like colour or properties of; o an image that makes you feel good or has special meaning to you; o a locket with a picture of someone you love, who loves you back; o a shell; o a small vial that you can fill with calming essential oil; o a pouch that you can put a stone in or something small that makes you feel good, etc.

* bring along a comfort bag. Comfort bags are bags (small, medium, and large sized), that contain all sorts of things that make you feel good and safe. I have numerous comfort bags, mostly little ones that I can put inside my backpack on different days, according to what I’m feeling. A comfort bag might contain: o a pen and paper to write with; o a stone to hold and look into; a card from someone you love; o a cd player and music that calms you; o a book that makes you feel good; o some small toys that make you smile; o a small pewter object or worry stone; o a vial of essential oil that is calming (lavender, chamomile, rose) or that makes you feel good or just smells good; o a small stuffie; o a small stone; o and any of things mentioned in this article, or anything small that makes you feel good.

Basically, you want to try to get something that makes you feel good from each category: smell, touch, feel, taste, sight. For more information and a great article on comfort bags, see here.