Worrying? Who doesn’t these days? There’s such a great choice of things to worry about – terrorism,
economy, rising cost of health insurance – and then there’s our more personal list – difficult teenager, an aging parent who’s not doing well, threat of being downsized, difficult in finding good employment. What we choose to worry about says a lot about us, but concept of worrying seems to be an accepted part of life. I’m reminded of my first days interning at a battered women’s shelter when I was getting my degree in psychology. “You won’t find a lot of neurotic worrying down here,” supervisor told me. “This is about putting food on table.”
What is “neurotic” worrying? Well, it’s kind of like getting in groove of worrying and shifting levels and particulars. Worrying about things you’re conflicted about. Fantasizing and inventing things to worry about. It’s an oversimplification, but “real” worry is when your car’s stuck on railroad track and a train is barreling toward you. “Manufactured” worrying is worrying that you’ll NEVER find a partner because you’re over 30 or worrying that you’ll NEVER find a job.
Sometimes we just get in habit of worrying. For instance you might wake up in morning and start mental search for what you’re supposed to be worrying about that day. Even having had a great dream can trigger this. “I had this wonderful dream about my mother,” someone told me, “and woke up so happy, but it didn’t last long. I immediately switched over to worrying about how unhappy she is now and what to do about it.”
Well, it’s one thing if you’re worrying about something crucial – in case of being unemployed, for instance, but quite another if you’re just in habit of worrying and you don’t feel good if you aren’t, or actually go after it as a part of your mental and emotional life.
This can be changed and is part of your emotional intelligence development. Worry is part mental and part emotional. You start emotion of worry because of what you’re thinking about or, especially sad, you’re in a worry mindset and start a computer scan to find things to worry about. It’s quite logical that if you’re determined to worry, you can find something to worry about, but we aren’t always rational about such things.
