What is your PROBLEM? There Must Be 50 Ways to…

Written by Susan Dunn, MA Clinical Psychology, cEQc, The EQ Coach™

“What is your PROBLEM?” Have you ever gotten exasperated and asked someone that in “that” tone of voice?

Mary: “I want to move near my grandchildren, but how on earth will I move myself up there alone?” You: “Just call a moving company. What is your PROBLEM?”

Abby: “I hate being an entrepreneur, but you have no idea how hard it is to get back into a corporation with allrepparttar downsizing. You: “Just call a career coach. What is your PROBLEM?”

Millicent: “I ought to get a raise, but how on earth do I ask him for one?” You: “Just ask. What is your PROBLEM?”

Antonio: “How on earth do I tell my wife I’m in love with another woman?” You: “Just tell her. What is your PROBLEM?”

Liu: “I hate this house. I hate it.” You: You’ve been saying that for 3 years now. What is your PROBLEM?”

What isrepparttar 126184 PROBLEM whenrepparttar 126185 solution is so EASY?

++Easy to us who are onrepparttar 126186 outside. ++Easy to us who are not emotionally involved and can therefore be objective ++Easy for us who are not hamstrung by ambivalence (indecision) and can think clearly ++Easy for us because we can think logically, andrepparttar 126187 steps are obvious IFrepparttar 126188 decision has been made AND there are no emotions involved.

How do you ask for a raise? Gosh, there must be 50 ways to ask for a raise.

Remember that great old song by Paul Simon, “There Must Be 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover”? He’s talking with a woman …

”The problem is all inside your head,” she tells him. “The answer is easy if you take it logically. I’d like to help you with your struggle to be free. There must be 50 ways to leave your lover.”

Examples of Emotional Intelligence from Popular Songs

Written by Susan Dunn, MA Clinical Psychology, cEQc, The EQ Coach

It's hard to find a song that isn't about 'the war ofrepparttar brains'. Because we have three brains that are often in conflict with one another (reptilian, limbic and neocortex), we suffer conflict, guilt and shame.

And because our brains arerepparttar 126183 way they are, we arerepparttar 126184 way we are, -- we endure love, grief, excitement, inconvenient passions, attempts at rational control, impotent anger andrepparttar 126185 need to push torepparttar 126186 head ofrepparttar 126187 line. And we do dumb things like fool around with Jose's faithless girl. (Don't go there!)

EQ is about experiencing and managing those emotions -- yours and theirs -- and it's in all our songs.

It used to berepparttar 126188 Western tradition to have a poet laureate – starting in England inrepparttar 126189 1600s, appointed for poetic excellence and being a salaried member ofrepparttar 126190 royal household with no official duties, they spokerepparttar 126191 feelings forrepparttar 126192 people. (Poets laureate of England included Jonson, Dryden, Wordsworth and Tennyson, among others.)

Though states inrepparttar 126193 US continue to appoint poets laureate, poetry is no longer “popular” (as in 'enjoyed by many people') and their original function is now filled by our popular music.

EQ is about experiencing and managing those emotions -- yours and theirs -- and it's in all our songs.

1. Kodachrome (Paul Simon) / EQ can matter more than IQ, especially when it means being able to "readrepparttar 126194 writing onrepparttar 126195 wall"

When I think back on allrepparttar 126196 k*** I learned in high school, it’s a wonder I can think at all, and my lack of education hasn't hurt me none, I can readrepparttar 126197 writing onrepparttar 126198 wall.

2. Heaven’s Just a Sin Away (The Kendalls) / Primitive (Reptilian) Brain’s winning out over limbic and neocortex

Heaven’s just a sin away, just a sin away, can't wait another day, I think I'm giving in. How I'd love to hold you tight, be with you tonight, that still won't make it right, 'cause I belong to him. Way down deep inside, I know that it's all wrong, your eyes keep tempting me, and I never was that strong. The devil's got me now, gone and got me now, I can't fight him any how, I think he's gonna win ... Heaven help me when I say, I think I'm giving in.

3. The Girls All Get Prettier at Closing Time (Mickey Gilley) / Reality check, chemical , low impulse control and intentionality, low EQ

Ain’t it funny, ain’t it strange, how a man’s opinion changes when he starts to face that lonely night... The girls all get prettier at closing time, they all begin to look like movie stars. If I could rate 'em on a scale from 1-10, I'm looking for a 9, but 8 could work right in. A few more drinks, and I might slip to 5 or even 4, and when tomorrow morning comes and I wake up with a number 1, I swear I'll never do it any more.

4. Count on Me (The Statler Brothers) / Empathy, communication, interpersonal skills, intuition, high EQ, what a couple

I can tell by looking, you've got feelings in your heart you're hoping no one else can see. But you can't hide feelings from someone who cares. Open up and let it out, and count on me. Count on me (for doing my share), Count on me (you know that I care), Count on me (I'll always be there), Count on me. Count on me (when others won't hear), Count on me (when there's no one else near), Count on me (I'll be right here), Count on me. I hearrepparttar 126199 sounds you're saying, butrepparttar 126200 words don't ring true, there's something here that didn't used to be. If there's something deep inside you, tell me now what you need, and together we can heal it, count on me.

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