How easily do you get what you want from others? And how easy is it for you to ask for what you want or need?
Perhaps you haven't worked up courage to actually make request you want to make. Or perhaps you've made several requests, but still find your needs unmet. If you're frustrated because you seem to be unable to get what you want and what you ask for, you're not alone.
This happens in all types of relationships, including intimate and dating relationships, family, friendships and work relationships. I'll focus on intimate relationships in this article; however, if you are having a problem getting what you want in any relationship, information below will be useful as well.
There are ten tricks to getting what you want in any relationship. But surprisingly, these tricks are not about manipulation. Whenever possible, use these ten tricks to get what you want. The more you practice, better you will get at both asking effectively and getting results.
1. It's ok to ask. This is first and most important trick. Understand that you have right to ask for anything you need or want. Whether it be an evening of help with childcare, help with chores, an investment in your personal growth, or a gift you want. Always, always ask for what you want from anyone you want it from.
2. Be prepared to hear a "yes" or a "no." One effective way to ask is to be prepared to hear either a "yes" or a "no." This gives person you are asking a true choice. People like freedom and power of being able to truly choose. Ask this way and you are more likely to hear a "yes."
3. Never make a "no" wrong. If you get a "no" to your request, be gracious. Anything but a gracious reaction will mean you were making a demand instead of a request. Demands are never responded to very well and are always resisted. Make a "no" wrong and you are asking for more "no's." Be gracious, and you will get a "yes" in future.
4. Have an alternative strategy. You have right to make a request and person you are making a request of has right say "no." This means, like it or not, you need an alternative strategy for getting what you want. If a person says "no," you can't somehow make him or her do or give you what you want. You may simply need to employ an alternative strategy and take care of your needs yourself.
5. Assume that it would be a "yes" if... Assume person or people you are asking have your best interests in mind. If you get a "no," assume reasons for your request are not clear. Assume that if your reasons were known, your request would be granted. Make your reasons known, gently.