What Is Normal Sexuality in Marriage?
Everyone wonders about this. Do our friends "do it" more often than we do? Does anyone else have this problem in which one partner has high desire, and other one has little to none? We must be really weird. Everyone wants sex, don't they?
The answer is no. Not really. More than 40 million Americans feel stuck in low-sex or no sex marriages. Research studies tell us that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 7 men reported little to no sexual desire. Sometime in a marriage more than 50% of couples experience one or both partners with little to no sexual desire.
Desire problems are most frequent complaint of couples entering sex therapy. They are also often unspoken complaint of couples entering relationship therapy.
In our sex saturated culture, this particular difficulty has a stigma, doesn't it? It's ok to admit to having a drug problem or mood disorder. But a sexual problem? No way! We're all supposed to be sexual superstars in our intimate relationships, aren't we?
Actually, sexual anxieties, inhibitions, and problems are norm. We're afraid of not doing it "right", like in movies and books. "Right" would be intercourse, with both parties craving each other all time and having simultaneous orgasms every time they're intimate.
Wrong! Healthy sexuality means giving and receiving touching that is pleasurable. It is not goal oriented, but process oriented. (The journey, not destination.) It allows both partners to enjoy pleasure. It varies. Sometimes one or both has an orgasm. Sometimes not. And that's ok. What's not ok is not caring about yours or your partner's needs.