What Everyone Needs to Know About Extramarital Affairs... and what you can do to help

Written by Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach

Recent statistics suggest that 40% of women (and that number is increasing) and 60% of men at one point indulge in extramarital affairs. Put those numbers together and it is estimated that 80% ofrepparttar marriages will have one spouse at one point or another involved in marital infidelity.

That may seem like a very steep number. However after two decades plus of full time work as a marriage and family therapist, I don't believe that number is offrepparttar 122015 charts. I worked with a great number of people involved in infidelity who were never discovered.

The possibility that someone close to you is or soon will be involved in an extramarital affair (any ofrepparttar 122016 three parties) is extremely high.

Maybe you will know. You will see telltale signs. You will notice changes inrepparttar 122017 person's habits and behavioral patterns as well as a detachment, lack of focus and reduced productivity. Maybe you will sense something "out of character" but be unable to pinpoint what it is.

It is not a given that he/she will tell you. Those hidingrepparttar 122018 affair will continue to hide. The "victim" ofrepparttar 122019 extramarital affair often, at least initially, is racked with anger, hurt, embarrassment and thoughts of failing that preclude divulgingrepparttar 122020 crisis.

It might be important to confrontrepparttar 122021 person with your observations, depending onrepparttar 122022 status of your relationship withrepparttar 122023 person.

It is important to understand that extramarital affairs are different and serve different purposes.

Out of my study and experience with hundreds of couples I've identified 7 different kinds of infidelity.

Briefly, some extramarital affairs are reactivity to a perceived lack of intimacy inrepparttar 122024 marriage. Others arise out of addictive tendencies or a history of sexual confusion or trauma.

Some in our culture play out issues of entitlement and power by becoming "trophy chasers." This "boys will be boys" mentality is subtly encouraged in some contexts. Some become involved in marital infidelity because of a high need for drama and excitement and are enthralled withrepparttar 122025 idea of "being in love" and having that "loving feeling."

An extramarital affair might be for revenge either becauserepparttar 122026 spouse did or did not do something. Orrepparttar 122027 revenge may stem from rage. Although revenge isrepparttar 122028 motive for both, they look and feel very different.

Another form of infidelity servesrepparttar 122029 purpose of affirming personal desirability. A nagging question of being "OK" may lead to usually a short-term and one-person affair. And finally, some affairs are a dance that attempts to balance needs for distance and intimacy inrepparttar 122030 marriage, often with collusion fromrepparttar 122031 spouse.

The prognosis for survivability ofrepparttar 122032 marriage is different for each. Some affairs arerepparttar 122033 best thing that happens to a marriage. Others serve a death knell. As well, different extramarital affairs demand different strategies onrepparttar 122034 part ofrepparttar 122035 spouse or others. Some demand toughness and movement. Others demand patience and understanding.

Should I Spy? - 6 Keys to Know You Are You Ready to Handle What You Might Find when you Spy on Your Cheating Husband or Wife

Written by Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach

When you spy on your suspected cheating spouse, please make sure you consider allrepparttar possibilities you might encounter and whether you can handle them.

Have you consideredrepparttar 122014 many situations that spying might uncover? Can you imaginerepparttar 122015 worst thing you might find? Predict what your response will be torepparttar 122016 worst-case scenario. Are you ready? Here are some specific questions to ask:

1) Do I have friends I can count on for support if I discoverrepparttar 122017 worst? Do they know I might need them? Have I told them exactly how they might help me? Do I haverepparttar 122018 capacity to stand back fromrepparttar 122019 deep emotions and not get mired or lost in destructive thoughts and feelings?

2) How have I handled emotional pain inrepparttar 122020 past? What if it gets almost unbearable? If I encounterrepparttar 122021 worst possible emotional hurt and pain, do I have a therapist I can contact immediately and see soon to help me throughrepparttar 122022 rough spots?

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