I have a certain set of relatives, on my wife's side, that will make a good example here. They often find cause to be jealous of what I have and therefore don't like me very much. It's obvious what their problem is, however, and there's not much I can do about it.

They have a lower standard of what is 'good enough' than my wife and I do. When my wife and I talk about future, it contains plans for a larger log home, money for kids for college or whatever they want to do, time spent traveling, camping, hunting and fishing, a new van, and being able to help others out that need it.

Now, we aren't where we want to be yet, but in mean time we do have a good home, a good car, we do get in some traveling and camping, and we are working toward improving things for future.

When visiting these relatives, however, I hear and see same things over and over.

"Well, this house may not be much, but at least I own it and it's good enough." (It's a beat up old single wide trailer with an open 35 gallon trash can right in middle of living room and a cattle trough for a bathtub.)

"I ain't getting rich with this job, but at least it pays bills, and that's good enough." (He makes $7.50 an hour and gets laid off 3 months every winter)

Certainly there is wisdom in knowing when to speak and when not to. Knowing politics of a situation or time constraints, you may choose not to speak. Often, though, you may have a unique view, perspective, issue or concern that needs to be raised. That contribution would add a new dimension to discussion or change decision about to be made.

You may feel strongly about a new policy and your silence allows folks to think you agree. Is that message you wish to send?

Recently I was involved in creation of a new management team for a department of a public sector organization. This brought together four people who previously had felt that they were in a 'pecking order' and changed them into a cohesive decision-making team. Two of four have strong opinions and are very comfortable expressing them. Two are very quiet. In forming team, we discussed this dynamic. How are we each going to best contribute to team? We talked about possibility that talkative two could overpower silent two. In fact, they might even do talking for them! Focusing on fact that each person was hired because he or she is an expert in a distinct field, it was soon decided that each person's opinion was vital to good decision-making.

The two who are quiet are very competent as are others. Increasing their level of comfort with adding their voices to group was important. Two things were agreed upon: every person would speak on every issue and each person would take responsibility for doing so. One of natural 'talkers' offered to ask quiet two for their opinions. This seems like a good idea on surface, however, as a rule, it is a poor idea.

Why is it a poor idea? Simple. If one person takes responsibility for contributions of others there are two new kinds of control being encouraged. The 'talker' has control over when others are asked for their opinions. The 'silent' could be waiting to be asked making their contribution 'talkers' responsibility. Neither of these options are optimal.