Ways to Increase Your Personal Power through Emotional Intelligence

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach & Consultant

Personal Power is an Emotional Intelligence (EQ) competency you’re probably familiar with by another name. It’s your sense of being able to handle yourself and your life. It’srepparttar opposite ofrepparttar 126142 “victim” position, where you feel helpless and hopeless. Instead, when you’ve developed your Personal Power, you feel confidant to help yourself, and to ask for help when you need it, and you feel positive about outcomes. You are more willing to take action, and to use solution-focused problem-solving, instead of emotion-focused problem-solving.

You may have thought when you readrepparttar 126143 title of this article, it was referring to your power inrepparttar 126144 external world and it is, but this comes only when you haverepparttar 126145 Personal Power within. You create your world by your thoughts and beliefs, and if you feel helpless and hopeless, you’ll create these outcomes. When you have a quiet sense of Personal Power, you are able to accomplish more, and will come to say, “If I couldn’t do it, nobody could’ve.”

So how do you develop your Personal Power? You can’t function fully until you know yourself, and to know your SELF is to know your FEELINGS. We are our emotions and they are there to guide us.

People inrepparttar 126146 victim position don’t know what they think or feel, and feel they have no rights. Assertiveness is believing in rights – yours and others. It means treating others with respect, and yourself as well. The cornerstone of Emotional Intelligence is self-awareness, and you begin this by doing an EQ Checkin often duringrepparttar 126147 day. Ask yourself, “How am I feeling, emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually?”

I’ve found in teleclasses that most people can talk immediately about how they feel physically, but don’t know what “mentally,” “emotionally,” and/or “spiritually” mean, so I’ll define them so you can get started.

HOW DO YOU FEEL MENTALLY? This refers to your ability to think. Are you alert? Full of ideas? Sluggish? Unable to process? If I asked you to do a math problem, or generate some alternate solutions to a dilemma, how would you do? This is what “mental” is about – your ability to handle information, facts, draw conclusions, formulate a thought, solve a problem, and perform other thought processes.

HOW DO YOU FEEL EMOTIONALLY? Everyone takes a stab at this one, but there are two ways to weasel out. One is to say, “I feel like a wrung-out dishrag,” andrepparttar 126148 other is to say, “I think I’m exhausted.” Inrepparttar 126149 first case, you’re begging out, and inrepparttar 126150 second case, noticerepparttar 126151 word “think” was used, which makes it a mental process. Sometimes we lackrepparttar 126152 vocabulary, and emotional expression is part of Emotional Intelligence. How do you feel EMOTIONALLY? Here are some answers, and they begin with “I AM” – sad, angry, frustrated, enraged, discouraged, tired, overwhelmed, elated, optimistic, or resentful. Of course there are many others. One thing you can do to increase your Emotional Intelligence is to learn new words for feelings. Then apply them to your situation.

It’s very common to feel “angry,” when it contains many layers. It could be from frustration, fatigue, being too hot, having had too much caffeine, righteous indignation, and a range from “annoyed” to “enraged” or “ballistic.”

HOW DO YOU FEEL SPIRITUALLY? How you answer this depends upon your understanding of a higher power in your life. Some people answer this with “I don’t know.” Others will say, “I’m very attuned with nature today. I had a long walk with my dog,” while others will say, “I feel very connected to those around me. Very warm and loved.” You could also say, “Close to God” or “I feel good about life and myself.”

Most of us recognize a deeper level in our lives, be it through religion, spirituality, art, culture, music, poetry or nature. Being able to answer “How do you feel spiritually?” may take some work on your part, but then so mayrepparttar 126153 others.

Being able to answer these four questions gets you centered on yourself. If you’ve been lacking in Personal Power, chances are you may have been exercising too much empathy, or ignoringrepparttar 126154 feelings of yourself and others, so you are not in touch with your feelings. You often don’t know what they are!

What Are You Resisting?

Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long asrepparttar author resource box atrepparttar 126141 end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.

Title: What Are You Resisting? Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 816 Category: Personal Growth, Emotional Healing

What Are You Resisting? Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

If you are stuck somewhere in your life,repparttar 126142 chances are you are stuck because you are resisting something. Many people grew up with one or two controlling parents or caregivers, and therefore learned numerous ways of overtly or covertly resisting being controlled. Who or what are you resisting?


Noah fell madly in love with Celia. It had been a long time since he had felt in love and he was delighted when it finally happened. Given that both Noah and Celia were in their mid 40’s, they didn’t want to wait long to be together. They had a whirlwind romance and got married within six months of meeting.

However, within a short time,repparttar 126143 passion and in-love feelings were gone. What happened?

Celia is a person who loves to feel connected with others. She is also very afraid of disconnection withrepparttar 126144 people who are important to her. As a result, she wants control over people staying connected with her. She tries to have this control in very subtle ways. It’s not anything she does overtly - it’s more of a covert energy pull. It’s in her eyes, in her smile, in her hug.

People who are not resistant love Celia and feel loved by her. Her subtly pulling energy does not create fear in them of being controlled. In fact,repparttar 126145 opposite happens - they see her as a very safe person and open their hearts to her. Most people will tell you what an open and loving person she is.

Noah, however, is a very resistant person. Having experiencedrepparttar 126146 same kind of subtle energetic pull from his mother, he has a deep fear of being controlled. His unconscious response to Celia is to close his heart and withdraw to protect himself from being controlled by her pull. It’s more important to Noah to protect against being controlled than it is to be loving. Therefore,repparttar 126147 more Celia pulls out of her fear of disconnection,repparttar 126148 more Noah resists connecting.

Until being loving to himself and Celia is more important to Noah than protecting against being controlled, his heart will stay closed. If Celia were to pull back completely, he might open his heart again, but it would close as soon as she wanted connection with him. Just her wantingrepparttar 126149 connection feels to Noah like a pull. This relationship has no chance of regainingrepparttar 126150 in-love feelings until loving Celia is more important to Noah than protecting against engulfment. He is resistingrepparttar 126151 very thing that originally brought him joy.

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