For all you ladies out there, if you want to know one of
things we men fear most, it’s physicals. Yes, y’all heard me right, physicals. The yearly physical. Since I’m closing in on fifty like an all-you-can-eat buffet diner closes in on soft serve, it’s time for me to start getting yearly physicals. And with that in mind, I went ahead and got one today, and I survived it, but it’s no walk through roses, let me tell you for sure. Other than a vasectomy, there’s nothing that pushes humiliation envelope higher up for men than a complete physical does. In order for all you ladies to better understand our fears, and in hope of gaining sympathy for men everywhere, this week we’re gonna take components of male physical, lay them all out for y’all to see, and then discuss them. After we do that you ladies will better understand our reluctance to get one. As an upfront word of caution, most of you men out there will wince at some of these items, but I think it’s important that you ladies have this once in a lifetime enlightenment opportunity. So, with all that being said, here are major components of male physical:
The Weigh-In - If you’ve recently been hitting Krispy Kremes pretty hard, this is not a good item to begin with. What makes it all worse is that scale doctor typically uses almost always has a big face with large numbers on it, and it is not uncommon for nurse to weigh you and say, right out loud, “Looks like two hundred and thirty pounds for you, honey.” If you happen to only be five foot five, this can be a tad embarrassing.
The Urine Specimen - Nothing’s all that bad about this per se, except for fact that you’re not allowed to drink coffee right before physical which means that all you can have is water that morning. It‘s murder on our caffeine addicted bodies, but we have to do it, and it does psychologically prepare us for some of other sweet experiences coming up...experiences like...
The Interrogation- At this point, your physician approaches you, greets you warmly, and then asks if any of your family members happen to be bed wetters or serial droolers. The ostensible purpose of this is for you to let your doctor know your family’s medical history so that he can treat you better, but it’s still pretty harrowing. If nothing else, it sets you up for next tender experience, which is...
