Waiting For The Cut

Written by Robert Levin

After "Waiting For Godot."

Two men, STEVE and HAROLD, both in their early twenties, and with long hair styles, are standing outside a small hair cutting salon on a sweltering August afternoon. The salon is closed. STEVE, after offering a cigarette to HAROLD—who waves it off—lights one himself and begins to pace.

STEVE: [Checking his watch.] I hate fucking Brooklyn. HAROLD: [Wipes his face with a balled-up handkerchief.] Brooklyn? I don’t know about Brooklyn. Brooklyn may not be as terrible as I thought it was. It’s hard to form an opinion when you’re rapidly losing consciousness. Jesus, it's like we're standing onrepparttar sun here.

STEVE: [Looking away.] Brooklyn’s where you have to wait for this jerkoff.

HAROLD: [Rolls his neck.] This isn’t what you meant when you said he always keeps you waiting, is it? He doesn’t pull this every time you come here? [Feels his wrist.] Dude, my pulse is gone! [Holds his head with both hands.] And my memory—it’s gone too!

STEVE: All of it?

HAROLD: No. I think justrepparttar 118173 last year.

STEVE: If it’s justrepparttar 118174 last year then you can still rememberrepparttar 118175 last time you got laid. [Peers downrepparttar 118176 block.] He’s never been this late before. He’s gotten much better at it. Shit, he ought to think about turning pro. [Looks at his watch again.] God, my WATCH is sweating.

HAROLD: [Calmed down. Wipes his face again.] I think they said last night that, factoring inrepparttar 118177 wind-chill index withrepparttar 118178 temperature-humidity thing, today would berepparttar 118179 hottest day inrepparttar 118180 history ofrepparttar 118181 world.

STEVE: [Distracted.] If they did they got it right. [Looks up and downrepparttar 118182 block.] It’s a goddamn hour. Where is this asshole?

HAROLD: Don’t quote me on that. Okay? I could be way off.

STEVE: [Shaking his head.] I wonder sometimes why I come here. I mean I probably should have mentioned something else:


STEVE: He can also fuckup. In fact, he can also fuckup in a major way. There was one fuckup that was actually beyond major, really spectacular—worthy of its own wing inrepparttar 118183 Hall of Fuckups.


STEVE: HE loved what he did. He was proud of himself. He even took a Polaroid.

HAROLD: Yeah? I don’t remember...

STEVE: You don’t remember because you didn’t see me for a month. I cancelled all my public appearances.

HAROLD: Wait. That was...? It was that bad?

STEVE: Put it this way: I would definitely have gotten mucho action—if it’d been 1964 and I had a cockney accent.

HAROLD: You looked like a Beatle?

STEVE: Early Ringo Starr.

HAROLD: Okay. I’ve got a statement and then a question. The statement is: Yeah, when you were bugging me to give him a shot and finally getting me to make this trip—which I never wanted to do because nothing I've seen of his work for you has blown my skirts up past my ankles—YOU FUCKING PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED THAT! The question is—and I’m anxious to have your wisdom on this before it’s too late, while your brain scans are still registering occasional blips. Do you figure I can find my way back to Manhattan by myself? The “3” train, right? What is it—four blocks this way, then hang a left?

STEVE: Let’s give him a little while longer.

HAROLD: Why? Damn. I was expecting an acceptable level of mediocrity. I thoughtrepparttar 118184 worst thing I had to worry about was getting wasted in a crossfire.

STEVE: Because speaking of “getting it right...”

HAROLD: You knowrepparttar 118185 barbershop inrepparttar 118186 86th Street subway station? It’s beginning to loom as a viable option.

STEVE: We’ll give him another fifteen minutes. Okay? [Looks at his watch.] Fifteen minutes. Exactly fifteen minutes. You can handle fifteen minutes, can’t you?

HAROLD: [Hugs himself and pretends to shiver.] My sweat just turned very cold. You ever hear of someone freezing to death in his own sweat?

Top 10 Reasons Why Conservatives Love George W. Bush

Written by Peggy Butler

Ten Reasons Why Conservatives Love George W. Bush

A satirical and humorous look atrepparttar man conservatives dub one ofrepparttar 118172 greatest chief executives to occupyrepparttar 118173 White House

10. Great Articulation. During his press conferences I’ve yet to hearrepparttar 118174 president mispronounce a word or desecraterepparttar 118175 English language. Moreover, I’ve never heard him utter anything of a moronic nature. Well, except forrepparttar 118176 time when he said "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.” And lets not forget he also stated, “I am honored to shakerepparttar 118177 hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein.” On second thought, it’s clear that we have to deviate fromrepparttar 118178 articulate angle. What a pity!

9. He is so charismatic. Whenever I seerepparttar 118179 president, visions of Howdy Doody spring to mind. For those 30 and under, Howdy Doody isrepparttar 118180 puppet from a 1950s children’s TV show. And just like Howdy, Bush too has an exaggerated smile. Another similarityrepparttar 118181 two share is that they’re both stiff as a board. Which explains whyrepparttar 118182 president’s decision to invade Iraq was equivalent to that of a puppet on a string.

8. His patriotism. Unlike many young men who opted not to go to Vietnam, Bush served his country by enrolling inrepparttar 118183 National Guard. And as soon as those military records are found, just likerepparttar 118184 weapons of mass destruction he adamantly refers to, everyone will appreciate this man’s love for his country. What a man, What a man!

7. He always tellsrepparttar 118185 truth. That’s right our president is so honest you can believe everything he says and then some. And for anyone who disagrees with him, they’re depicted as "lip scrunching, jaw-jerking, anti-patriotic liberals.” Case in point: If Bush says John Kerry is too progressive to be elected president, it’s probably true. After all this isrepparttar 118186 man who told us umpteenth times that Saddam Hussein has ties to Al-Qaeda. And on that note I can honestly say, Dubya gives new meaning torepparttar 118187 phrase TALKING LOUD AND SAYING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

6. His sense of humor. For instance, wheneverrepparttar 118188 president comes on my TV screen I automatically burst into laughter. Yeah, that silly grin and lumbering walk gets me every time. Perhaps if he stopped flashing that bogus smilerepparttar 118189 laughter would stop. Or perhaps not.

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