Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.
WORDS NEVER HEARD IN THE WORKPLACE
By Patience Pantperhog
Today’s modern workplace is awash in buzzwords, bafflegab, and all manner of blessed bumpf to wade through or digest over a morning latte with a dab of whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles on top.
The never-ending drive to increase profits means employees everywhere must hunker down with their noses to grindstone or else hustle their bustles out door every day in search of new business.
So, it's not surprising to hear some strange murmurings emanating from boardrooms and bosses' offices world over not to mention odd cubicle and cubby-hole or two.
Rest assured, these verbal vaunts and zippy zingers likely have never seen light of day. But, if by chance those walls really did have ears...here's a saucy sampling of what might be heard:
-- "Love your color-coordinated blue and red spandex bodysuit with sparkling smiley face cape ... but we don't hire “yes-people” in this company."
-- "My doctor told me I had an infinitesimal brain, do you have any openings for a low-maintenance plant to decorate your lobby?"
-- "It’s “Casual Friday”, so by all means wear your fishnet-stockings, leather leggings or even loincloths if you wish."
-- "George, I know we need to celebrate “2005 - The Year of Rooster” ...but frankly we’ve got too many frigging cock-a-doodle-dos in this barnyard already!"