Humor: WORDS NEVER HEARD IN THE WORKPLACE

WORDS NEVER HEARD IN THE WORKPLACE

Written by Patience Pantperhog

Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.

WORDS NEVER HEARD IN THE WORKPLACE

By Patience Pantperhog

Today’s modern workplace is awash in buzzwords, bafflegab, and all manner of blessed bumpf to wade through or digest over a morning latte with a dab of whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles on top.

The never-ending drive to increase profits means employees everywhere must hunker down with their noses to repparttar grindstone or else hustle their bustles out repparttar 118105 door every day in search of new business.

So, it's not surprising to hear some strange murmurings emanating from boardrooms and bosses' offices repparttar 118106 world over not to mention repparttar 118107 odd cubicle and cubby-hole or two.

Rest assured, these verbal vaunts and zippy zingers likely have never seen repparttar 118108 light of day. But, if by chance those walls really did have ears...here's a saucy sampling of what might be heard:

-- "Love your color-coordinated blue and red spandex bodysuit with sparkling smiley face cape ... but we don't hire “yes-people” in this company."

-- "My doctor told me I had an infinitesimal brain, do you have any openings for a low-maintenance plant to decorate your lobby?"

-- "It’s “Casual Friday”, so by all means wear your fishnet-stockings, leather leggings or even loincloths if you wish."

-- "George, I know we need to celebrate “2005 - The Year of repparttar 118109 Rooster” ...but frankly we’ve got too many frigging cock-a-doodle-dos in this barnyard already!"

The day my computer died

Written by Jesse S. Somer

I’ve always been a skeptic when it comes to technology, especially computers and repparttar

Information Age. I used to think it was crazy how people would put their total faith into a machine, some even more so than in their faith in humanity. Human beings are flawed, imperfect creatures. I say this in a positive way because if humanity were completely positive and perfect we would have nothing to learn, and life would lose its vitality and mystery. Computers come from repparttar 118104

same universal reality as humanity, so I believe that we should look at technology in a similar context. Computers are not infallible pieces of nature’s perfection.

I’ve come to learn that computers are great tools for human society. They can be functional in innumerable areas of everyday existence, helping to simplify many aspects of our lives. However, as today I discovered my computer had ‘died’ after a lightning strike had hit my house and subsequent power surge, repparttar 118105 realization came that a complete faith in our progressive technology is simply not practical. I’m not saying that like repparttar 118106 Luddites of repparttar 118107 early era of industrialization we need to destroy this stuff, I’m just saying that we must realize that like all things in life, technology can and will become sick and die on occasion. Working at an Internet Web Hosting company I have been witness to many of these illnesses, and it has been very fortunate that human ‘doctors’ have been present to undertake surgery.

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