Written by Rhoberta Shaler

Most folks live, work or play with other folks. We all needrepparttar skills to play nicely together. Where do we get those skills and tools? And, what are they?

It is not rocket science to understand that our early training continues to play out in our lives. What we did in our families tends to be our base line until we decide to consciously change our minds. There are far too many people...believe me, I know, having been a therapist for years...who spend their lives blaming their families forrepparttar 101895 present conditions of their lives.

Sure, some people have been badly treated, even abused, and I am not dismissing their pain in any way. Most folks have not, however, and many continue to hold on torepparttar 101896 'if-only' and 'they done me wrong' mentality as a defense against moving forward in their lives. You can change your mind at any time, can't you? You can choose to play on your own team and be your own ally in creatingrepparttar 101897 life you say you want.

Do you ever letrepparttar 101898 old patterns you learned or observed in your family life infringe on your current relationships? Do you have a fear or an unwillingness to trust new folks onrepparttar 101899 basis of your history with other folks? Is this serving you well? I doubt it.

When I was a therapist, couples would come to me. One, or both, would complain of being compared to their partner's last love, lover, wife or husband - and, usually not favorably, either. I can think of one case that was particularly overt. The man complained that his partner was flaunting her sexuality at every man she met. He said she even spent too long chatting withrepparttar 101900 checkout person inrepparttar 101901 grocery store, longer than was necessary in his opinion, and he considered it flirting. He said that, when she bent down to choose groceries fromrepparttar 101902 bottom shelf, she did it in a sexually aggressive way. Having seen this woman inrepparttar 101903 community for several years, I had not noticed any overt sexuality on her part.

As we worked together, it turned out, as you have probably guessed by now, that his former wife ran off with another man. His belief was that, if he had been more vigilant forrepparttar 101904 signs he was now hyper-vigilant of in his current partner, he would still be married to his first wife and at home with his children. His current partner was in a no-win situation. Although she was now more conscious of everything she did and was feeling quite anxious and tense about her every move, there really was nothing she could do until this man tookrepparttar 101905 pain of his last experience and left it behind with his former wife.


Written by Rhoberta Shaler

+++ In these days of do more, be more, have more, it may be wise to get offrepparttar beaten track and reflect on what is best for you inrepparttar 101894 workplace. What fits your lifestyle? What fits your integrity? What captures your interest? What warms your heart?

+++ I once read a story about a young lawyer who was joining a prestigious firm. She was spending a quiet evening with her grandmother and she told her that she was going to do all that she could to advance in her new organization. She would take a night school course to become an expert in her specialty, and join community organizations to bring in business. She was determined to do everything and 'learn it all'. To her mind,repparttar 101895 picture she was painting was one ofrepparttar 101896 perfect employee. Doing all those things would win her recognition, acceptance and an elevated career path.

+++ The expected approval and enthusiasm from her grandmother was not forthcoming. Smiling at her well-meaning granddaughter, she said: "Be good at whatever you do and do only what you are willing to do well." This startledrepparttar 101897 young lawyer and caused her a great deal of deep thought. After a few nights of poor sleep, she embraced her grandmother's wisdom. Now she isrepparttar 101898 esteemed senior partner in her firm.

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