For first 3 months after Nick’s death, my grief felt like a red hot brick sitting in middle of my chest. I cried often and at oddest places, like seeing Nick’s friend at a banquet where I was accepting a donation for organization I represented. In most cases, when I felt sadness and tears, I expressed them. Heck, there was no way of holding them back!

After 5 months I felt a weight lifting off me. It felt like I had lifted a very heavy blanket or coat away. I had more energy and felt alive and happy. I started to pay attention to details of winding down a business that Nick had run. I considered how to manage acreage where we lived including an addition to our house that was only roughed in.

I pondered my future: What now? What was I going to do alone? What did I want? Was this a time to be celibate? I had been studying a yogi who considered celibacy as best route for spiritual and personal growth. As I mulled it over, I realized that I wanted a relationship again.

One Saturday 5 months after Nick’s death, there was a notice pinned to corkboard at a restaurant that my girlfriend and I favored, advertising a vision workshop. We decided to go.

There were 12 to14 of us, both men and women. We discussed setting up a vision for things you want in your life and managing fear that surrounds new beginnings (I had an image of transforming my fears from ferocious tigers to tame, meowing pussycats at my feet).

I considered what my beliefs were around relationships: I believed that men and women could have wonderful fulfilling lives in relationships; I believed I could be a good partner.

Seems like it just “happened” all of a sudden for some while others knew time was near and dreaded when last child (maybe even first or perhaps only?) left nest to head off to college or whatever other plans they may have made.

So many Moms (and yes, Dads too!) have a difficult time adjusting to this time even though you know that this is all part of ‘the plan’ from time they are born. After all we did same thing didn’t we? Went off to college, got a job and moved out (eventually), or married and started our own life. And yet, it draws near and you find yourself almost in a panic wondering what you are going to do with rest of your life!

You spend so much of your time ‘doing’ for kids from time they are born; you find your life pretty much revolves around theirs. Even for a lot of Moms that have worked outside home for several years, it’s pretty much same. Get up in morning, get kids up make breakfast, make sure they’re ready for school, go to work only to try and make sure you get off in time to make a ball game or other school activities, (not to mention times they are home sick from school!) your life is still pretty much revolving around kids!

And even though, as mentioned, you know this time is coming, it’s kind of hard to just shut all of this down and go on with what amounts to a “new life”.

But, it’s here and now you have to adjust and deal with it! Much easier said then done for some.

First off do give yourself a BIG pat on back; you deserve it. You have raised a child with confidence to go out and face that ‘big wide world’ and now you need to give yourself some adjusting time. After all it’s almost like a time of “mourning” for some, you feel like you have lost a part of yourself, which, of course, is NOT true. Now is time to find that “Old You” or create a “New You”!

So many think their time as “Mom” is over with, which is also not true. It just revolves into a different phase. You’ll always be their Mom, even though it might feel at times that they are shutting you out. Remember, they are going through their adjusting period too! They settle down after a while, you start adjusting to their being out of house, then that more “adult” relationship begins which can be very rewarding when you start seeing your ‘child’ becoming an adult.