Use Your Emotional Intelligence in All Your Relationships

Written by Susan Dunn, Emotional Intelligence Coach

A recent article I read about what’s called “hierarchical relationships” inrepparttar work place, reminded me of a very important fact about all relationships. As soon as we start thinking we are better than someone else, or smarter than they are, or more important – acrossrepparttar 126158 board – we are in trouble, andrepparttar 126159 work is in trouble, andrepparttar 126160 relationship is in trouble.

Why? Because we are never better than someone else, or smarter than they are, or more important than they are, acrossrepparttar 126161 board inrepparttar 126162 absolute sense. Everyone has something to contribute.

Each of us has strengths and weaknesses. Each of us knows something another person does not, or sees it more clearly, or is better at a certain aspect ofrepparttar 126163 situation. It fact it’s oftenrepparttar 126164 person not onrepparttar 126165 firing line who hasrepparttar 126166 emotional clarity to perceive what’s going on.

Inrepparttar 126167 ideal situation, we rely onrepparttar 126168 strengths ofrepparttar 126169 other when they’re needed, recognizing them and acknowledging them. We work together, laterally, not from a vantage part of being “better than.”

Think of allrepparttar 126170 times your child taught you something. I hear this happening allrepparttar 126171 time. Yes, you arerepparttar 126172 parent, and you know many things your child does not know and must be doing your job, but your child is in touch with things. Most of all, they are in touch with themselves, and with their feelings, and with yours. It’s hard to fool your child about how you’re “truly” feeling, and this can be justrepparttar 126173 information you need atrepparttar 126174 time.

The other day I heard a mother snap at her child inrepparttar 126175 store for asking for a toy. The child started crying and replied, “But why are you mad at me?” It makes perfect sense, when you think about it. To want a toy is normal. To ask for a toy is normal. To ask for a toy when you’ve been told not to, is also normal, as we all make mistakes, And most importantly, to want something, or to ask for it, or to make a mistake isn’t cause for someone else to get “mad.”

We’re used to thinking of relationships in a hierarchical manner –repparttar 126176 boss overrepparttar 126177 manager overrepparttar 126178 employees. But in actuality, everyone is contributing something crucial torepparttar 126179 enterprise or they wouldn’t be there. I have heard an attorney say to his paralegal, “I could never have done this without you,” but it is far too rare, yes?


The other day I was in a huge Lowe’s store. I was sure I had landed in a bird sanctuary by mistake. Underrepparttar 126180 huge expanse ofrepparttar 126181 vaulted ceiling, I could hear birds chirping – nice, sweet songbirds, not grackles – and every now and then one would zoom past. Whenrepparttar 126182 salesman appeared, I asked him about it. He said, yes, they were there allrepparttar 126183 time now. I said, “Your poor manager. They don’t teach that in MBA school.”

Then he told me that every now and then a kitten would come intorepparttar 126184 store. The first time it happened, they calledrepparttar 126185 manager and he stood there, and no one knew what to do about it. Then one ofrepparttar 126186 saleswomen came up who had done this before … capturing wild kittens and putting them outside. She asked for gloves and went aboutrepparttar 126187 business of luringrepparttar 126188 kitten and carrying it outside. Whose job was it? She didn’t ask. The manager didn’t ask.. The other salespeople didn’t ask. They just wanted someone who knew what to do about it.

Moving away fromrepparttar 126189 hierarchical relationship is starting to occur simply out of necessity. Many work projects require teamwork now, because they demand more information than any one person has, no matter what their field of expertise. They require more emotional intelligence than IQ because things don’t always work outrepparttar 126190 way we think they will. Emotional intelligence means being creative and flexible in problem-solving.

How to Get the Relationship You Want

Written by Susan Dunn, Personal and Professional Development Coach

We tend to think of findingrepparttar right relationship as being a hunt for another person, and it is. But it depends first of all on being ready yourself. The best way to do this is to develop your emotional intelligence skills. It’s all about relationships and emotions, after all.

You could meetrepparttar 126157 most “right” person inrepparttar 126158 world, and still not be able to make it work. In fact in some cases, if you’re dragging aroundrepparttar 126159 past, you wouldn’t know a good partner for you if they appeared in shining light.

So what can you do?

1.Know yourself completely and what you want.

2.Increase your emotional intelligence competencies.

3.Be surerepparttar 126160 past is past.

4.Use your emotional intelligence inrepparttar 126161 early stages ofrepparttar 126162 relationship (and of course thereafter!)


Clients ask me this, and I hear people asking other people when they are about to meet a new man of woman, “But I don’t know how to act.”

When you’re meeting someone new,repparttar 126163 answer is to just be yourself, but of course this is easier than it sounds! We’re nervous and want to make a good impression, so two parts of emotional intelligence are important: self-awareness, and being able to manage our emotions.

When you have developed your emotional intelligence skills, you know who you are, and what you want in all areas of your life, and you know what you are looking for in a partner. You also are better able to manage your emotions (and those of others).

In fact one ofrepparttar 126164 competencies is called “Intentionality.” This means saying what you mean, and meaning what you say, and then doing all you can to make it happen.


Getting to know someone else is always full of surprises, andrepparttar 126165 older you get,repparttar 126166 more “history” you will have to relate to each other. Bear in mind that it is always easiest for us to handle our own “problems” emotionally, than those of others.

You may have endured a bankruptcy orrepparttar 126167 death of a spouse as part of your life, and to someone else this might sound insurmountable. They may wonder what shape you’re in, emotionally, and what this has “done” to you. For instance, they may know someone who hasn’t coped well with one of these situations, and may be thinking this would apply to you as well. My mother used to say, “If all our problems were hung on a line (clothes line), you would take yours, and I would take mine.”

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