Kelly and I have a great relationship, I'm grateful to say, but I'm still
mother-in-law. If you are one, or have one, you'll probably agree it's a relationship that requires finesse. "Finesse" is another word for "emotional intelligence."All those mother-in-law jokes are out there for a reason. I'd say it's hardest to be mother of son, but you might disagree! Anyway, Kelly is married to my only son, and mother of my only grandchildren. There are times when I feel very vulnerable in that situation, having to ask permission and all.
My granddaughter's now old enough to come for visits. When I call to invite her, it's been hard to come up with just right way to do it. After all, Meg is "hers" and not "mine."
Recently I read an article about something called "anodyne therapy." You know how when they're getting ready to stick a needle in your thumb they say, "This is going to sting a little bit"? Well, in anodyne therapy, they say, "Notice how quickly your thumb becomes numb."
"Anodyne" means "serving to assuage pain, or not likely to offend or arouse tensions."
When I received an email from my daughter-in-law talking about all "projects" she had going on, I figured out a better way to ask her. Kelly's always got something going on - painting, wallpapering, gardening - and of course they're harder to do with little ones underfoot. Lately I call and say, "Want to have some time to do that wallpapering? How about if I take Meg for a couple of days?"
This takes focus off what's being given up, and places it on something Kelly really wants - more time to do her projects. Anodyne - not likely to offend or arouse tensions. That's EQ!
Please consider this article for your website or ezine. Permission to reproduce and change title, if you like, as long as byline stays intact.
TITLE: Use Your EQ When You're Mother-in-Law" AUTHOR: Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach WORD COUNT: 300 WORD WRAP: 65 URL: http://www.susandunn.cc Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc
