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Title: Trust Starts with You Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 775 Category: Relationships, Personal Growth

Trust Starts with You By Dr. Margaret Paul

“I have a hard time trusting people.” “I never feel like I can trust my husband (or wife).”

It is very common for me, in my work as a counselor, to hear above statements. Trust issues abound in relationships. However, resolving trust issues is not about getting another person to be trustworthy. It’s about you become a trustworthy person with yourself and learning to trust yourself.

BECOMING TRUSTWORTHY WITH YOURSELF

How often do you promise yourself you are going to do something and then don’t do it? For example, we often promise ourselves to:

Get taxes done on time. Catch up on email, phone calls, and other correspondence. Eat better. Drink less alcohol. Stop reckless spending, gambling, or whatever puts us in financial distress. Stop getting angry. Stop giving ourselves up. Lose weight. Get more exercise. Get more sleep (or sleep less). Get together with friends. Clean up house, or clean up clutter. Be on time. Watch less TV or spend less time on computer. Meditate or pray. Take time for ourselves. Finish a project. And so on…..

If you promise yourself you will do something and then you don’t do it, you are not being trustworthy with yourself. This would be like promising a child something and then not doing it. Eventually child would learn not to trust you. The same applies with your Child within. If you promise yourself – your Inner Child – that you will take care of yourself in some way and then you don’t do it, Inner Child learns that there is no inner adult to trust. Since many of us project onto others our own inner issues, it is likely that if you are not trustworthy with yourself, you will project untrustworthiness onto others. You will continue to distrust others as long as you are not behaving in a trustworthy way with yourself and with others.

As a minister, you do these things, but you never quite get used to them.

However, life being what it is, these things do happen.

Although this point might not be obvious, a funeral brings home oft-repeated message, “Life is too short.”

Life is too short for resentment. At some point in life, we were all wronged, slighted, rebuffed, rejected, and/or screwed.

Ultimately, we can either get over it or get on with it. Life is too short to stew in those juices.

Life is too short for pettiness. All but saints are immune from temptation to let disagreements spiral down into personal bickering.

The rest of us will just have to catch ourselves with statement, “Life is too short.”