Summer’s almost here and it’s that time. Yes, you need a new bathing suit.No, no, no, now come on back here. That’s it. Just sit down and relax. Take a few deep breaths. C’mon, breathe in through your nose, now out through your mouth. Good girl.
I understand completely. Why,
mere thought of “Suit Ritual” used to send me running to pantry for a container of Betty Crocker’s Rich & Creamy Frosting. Of course, that was before I knew how to buy a bathing suit.
Bathing suit shopping doesn’t need to be painful, stressful or emotionally devastating.
Department store statistics show that over eighty percent of all women shopping for a bathing suit will leave store empty handed. Of that eighty percent, a full sixty-five percent will leave store empty handed, and require sedation. Those are sad, shameful and totally unnecessary statistics.
Finding perfect suit is simply a matter of understanding logistics, then following a few simple guidelines.
Understand your body type. Not every suit suits everyone. What suit to pick? Well, if you’re a busty gal, look to an under wire for support. If combined with vee neckline of a surplice bodice, your ample bosom will look perky and proud. Avoid support that pushes up and together, lest small sea creatures become trapped.
Love a two piece, but have a tummy? No problem. It’s a peek-a-boo tankini for you. Pull top as high or low as you dare. In water a little air, trapped in top, will give you a sexy, buxom look, and double as a flotation device.
Kissing thighs never “kiss and tell” beneath a flirty skirted suit. A pristine white pleated skirt is just thing this season to hide past sins. Paired with a jaunty sailor’s cap, worn at a perky angle, you’ll be belle of beach.
Think we’re finished? Not even close. Deciding your body type is only beginning. The preparation for your big day should begin at least two weeks prior to shopping.
Two Weeks
Cut out all salt, sugar, white flour, animal flesh, processed foods, and fat from your diet. Eat natural foods, like celery, high in water content. If possible, eat only celery. This will enable your body to flush out all built up toxins. To speed up cleansing, drink at least twenty glasses of water per day. At first glance, this may seem an excessive amount of water, and it is. It’s rather high. However, more time spent in bathroom, less time standing in front of fridge. Nuff said?
If at all possible, have your doctor prescribe a high dosage diuretic. The foot and leg cramps may be annoying, but just keep your mind focused on big day, and you’ll barely notice them.
Check back of your legs. After being bundled up in pantyhose and tights all winter, some women develop a rash. This is nothing to be ashamed of, and is easily cured. Your face deserves a facial, so why not give your legs a legcial?
