Here is where I come in as your humble, sincere, and most observant columnist. I would like to offer a few of today's observations on 2005 Guanajuato Tourist Season.

Tourism—here is how it is supposed to work:

You spend many hours at your job and work lots of overtime to save up enough money to take family to Mexico. You look at endless travel brochures, watch every special on Discovery channel that has name Mexico in it, and even start telling boys down at Gipper's where you are taking family this summer.

The summer vacation arrives. You are excited beyond your ability to express. You pack. You put kids and wife on a plane and fly to Mexico. Your much-dreamed-of vacation has finally begun.

Everyone is sworn to be on his or her best and most humble behavior as a guest in someone else's country. And, that is, after all, what you are, as you all agree—a guest.

You would not go to Grandma's house and fart loudly in front of Granny and all her old crony sisters—of course not. You would excuse yourself and go to bathroom. You would try using toilet paper as a muffler, mashing it ever so gently unto your delicate rectal tissues, so as not to gross out all old folks as they are trying to eat their nice bread pudding when they are actually farting themselves but saying nothing.

You are a guest and you will not act in someone else's home as you would in your own. This, you know, applies to being in someone else's country as well.

Tourism—here is how it actually works:

My secret to sleeping well in noisy places (which can be yours also)- I never go on a trip without my white noise machine.

I spent $80 for mine about 12 years ago and have slept better thousands of nights because of it. That's made it a pretty good investment.

"What Is A White Noise Machine?"

It is a small electronic device that makes background "white noise". It masks and covers other sounds that could potentially disturb your sleep.

The concept of having one noise mask another so you can sleep might be difficult to imagine.

I'm actually a very light sleeper and noises easily awaken me.

The white noise is a constant background noise that your brain gets used to so it doesn't noticeably register. Your mind blocks it out, so you can sleep without noticing it. The constant white noise in background covers or blocks other noises.

It's an interesting phenomenon that if someone is sleeping while using a white noise machine and it is suddenly turned off, absence of white noise can actually awaken them.

White noise machines are most effective when placed between you and noise source. If there is traffic or an airport out window, then put it between window and you.

I always use mine when traveling, even if it seems like hotel is nice and quiet. You never can predict when other guests will be loud in hallways of adjacent rooms. If there is no outside noise, I put mine between door and my bed.

You might be worried that using a white noise machine will make you miss your alarm of worse yet, a fire alarm. I've been in many hotels when fire alarms went off at night while I was using my white noise machine at full volume. Don't worry; you can still hear a fire alarm.

As an airline pilot, I often have to get up very early. I can't afford to be late for work.