Top Ten List of What to Do and What Not to Do in RelationshipsWritten by Kim Olver
Most of us who have been intimately involved with someone beyond infatuation stage know that relationships are like a rollercoaster ride. When things are good, they are very, very good. When things are bad, they are very, very bad. As a relationship coach, I have developed Top 10 Lists---one for men and one for women on 10 things to do and not to do in relationships.MEN DO 1.Just listen to your partner without offering advice. 2.Trust and respect her. 3.Treat her as an equal partner in your relationship. 4.Stay and support her when she gets emotional. She is looking for understanding, not solutions. 5.Continue your courtship even after she’s committed to you. Continue to create romance in your relationship. 6.Do little things on a regular basis. A woman doesn’t care if you call her at work to say, “I love you” or if you buy a new TV for living room. The small things are worth just as much as big ones. 7.Honor any agreements you have made with her. 8.Encourage her goals and direction. 9.Find out what your partner would like to do and then do it with her. 10.Say, “I’m sorry” when you’ve done something you regret or that was hurtful to your partner, whether intentionally or unintentionally. DON’T 1.Go to bed angry with your partner. 2.Try to offer advice or solutions when your partner just needs you to listen to her without comment. 3.Pretend to listen to her when you really aren’t. 4.When you need to sort things out in your head, just explain you need space, you aren’t angry with your partner and that you’ll be back. 5.Criticize your partner, especially her appearance. 6.Yell at your partner as if you were her father. 7.Take every word she says literally. Women, when upset, tend to speak in absolutes, such as “You NEVER listen to me;” when what she really means is that you aren’t listening to her at that time. 8.Allow jealousy to erode trust, love and respect of your relationship. 9.Violate her privacy. 10.Forget special occasions. Men and women have different communication styles, different needs and desires, and different relationship challenges. Learning these differences can assist us in strengthening relationships we have now and in future. John Gray began this revolutionary discovery in his book, Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus. The Women’s List follows:
| | You CAN Improve Your RelationshipWritten by Kim Olver
It seems as if creating successful relationships with our significant others and parenting children are two of most difficult jobs we face and yet we get no formal training in either. It’s as if people believe that we are born with an inherent ability to do these two things. Yet, look around us. In US, divorce rate is slightly over 50%! I don’t know anywhere but baseball where a 50% average is a good thing.Couples go through life getting along when times are good; and fighting with, ignoring, or leaving each other when things get tough. Most people believe that to seek help with their relationships means to admit a certain kind of defeat that says something about who they are as a person. Or possibly, they believe that relationships are something we are just supposed to be able to manage on our own. Or, finally, some people believe that those out there helping couples can’t know any more than they do. After all, what’s to know about keeping relationships together? Well, truth is that there is a whole lot to learn when it comes to relationships. Unfortunately, only training most of us ever receive is passive learning we get through modeling of adults who live in our house with us and media. Now, I don’t know about you, but my parents had only received informal training they got from their parents, and they from my great grandparents and so on back through generations. There is so much more to know about relationships than that! Also, my parents have helped support that 50% statistic cited earlier in that they divorced sometime around their 25th wedding anniversary. What I learned about relationships from watching them is that couples never argue, especially in front of children. On surface, my parents had a very happy marriage but my father experienced a stereotypical mid-life crisis and suddenly questioned meaning of “life” and decided marriage was holding him back somehow. In some ways, this type of training may have been as bad as those who have parents who argue all time. Disagreements are a natural by-product of relationships. It is virtually impossible for two people to come together and create a life without some of their ideals, values, opinions or day-to-day activities coming into conflict with each other. The question becomes how couple manages this conflict. There are many things to consider when speaking about couples and their challenges and areas for growth and development. The first is compatibility. I know there is an expression that says opposites attract and I believe there is some accuracy in that statement when you think of attraction as that chemical interaction that occurs when two people meet and are attracted. This chemical attraction doesn’t care what other person’s values are, what is important to him or her, personality characteristics involved, or what either of you likes to do in your spare time. Compatibility is a key for a successful, healthy relationship. Go to www.therelationshipcenter.biz and take free Assessment to determine your compatibility with your partner.
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