Slam bam thank you Ma’am or Mr.? That’s some people’s method and it works for those who mutually agree they want a quick fix. But for most people this is not method of choice. So, why is it that this is so prevalent? The reason for this could be that American culture is simply not accepting of sexuality in general and that is why sexuality leeks into what many consider to be ‘shadow’ areas, such as pornography, strip clubs, and prostitution. Carl Jung, one of founding fathers of psychology, would definitely label sexuality as shadow side of our culture. For most people who watch or visit these areas, it’s not something they discuss with their acquaintances or even their family and friends. In fact, actual act of having sex with a person is not discussed too openly in our culture. Alfred Kinsey was one of first and most famous people to openly discuss this cultural issue in public. Sure, sex is flashed in our faces on TV shows, movies, and advertisements, but few people actually openly discuss act of having sex with another person.

For whatever reason that is, this is an article that is going to discuss one of top questions of our time: What is a great way to have sex, even for those who are inhibited. I am going to explain a term, I am certain I am not first to use it, or explain concepts like it, however, I have not seen term before. That term is Mindful Sex. Mindful sex involves slightly slowing down in every aspect of act of sex, from creating setting, to foreplay, to actual act of sex, whatever you consider that to be. The following is gist of it:

Setting:

This part is not necessary if act of sex is spontaneous in any given moment. If it is not spontaneous, sometimes it is a good idea to set setting. When creating setting, whether you are lighting candles, putting on music, or preparing special lingerie, moving slightly slower than you usually would. As you move slower begin to pay attention to your senses. If you are lighting candles, notice what you are lighting it with, is it a match, a lighter? Notice what flame looks like, how it moves, does candle have a smell, if so, take a moment to inhale it. If you are setting up special lingerie, take a moment to feel lingerie. Is it made of silk? How does silk feel? Are you spraying perfume/cologne on it? Take an extra moment to inhale that. You get idea, with anything you are doing, move slightly slower and take a moment to pay attention to what you are seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling, and tasting. You do not need to think about any of this, just notice your sensations. If you notice you are thinking about something, notice that and then simply bring your attention back to what you are sensing. By moving slightly slower you have opportunity to do this and in return make process more meaningful and enjoyable.

Foreplay and Sex:

How do you feel when it's a "sunny day" outside? When you first awake and sun is shining in your window doesn't that perk you up a bit?

Now I realize there are days when you are not feeling well, maybe there's been a serious problem you are facing or there are any number of things that nay not be pleasant in your life. But overall with all those things happening to you doesn't a "sunny day" help you to feel at least somewhat better about life? Don't you feel much better then when it's a cloudy and rainy day outside?

I started using this phrase "have a sunny day" many years ago in my greeting to people. It's even at end of my voice mail message. I'll never forget day when I was a salesmen and received a call on my voice mail from one of my customers to call him. When I finally called him back first thing he said to me was, "Sonny are you crazy it's not a "sunny day" here it's pouring down rain outside". I said , "I know it is but you missed my point, you can have a "sunny day anytime you want because a "sunny day" starts in mind". "Oh, he said, I never thought of it that way" Many times over years that voice mail message always gets comments.

One of my favorite motivational speakers, Jim Rohn, says you have got to decide on what your philosophy is about your life. You've got to decide what excites you about life. You've got to take responsibility for what happens in your life. You shouldn't just "fit in" to someone else's plan, design one of your own. He says you have to live a disciplined life and stay disciplined so you can get what you want. He goes on to say, It's true, we suffer one of two things. Either pain of discipline or pain of regret. You've got to choose discipline versus regret because discipline weighs ounces and regret weighs tons.