Most people experience some degree of shyness from time to time, depending on
situation. In fact, only about 7% of population claims that they never feel shy. For rest of us, shyness can range from being an occasional, minor inconvenience, to being a major problem. Some people however, are afflicted with a degree of shyness so severe that it is almost disabling. This type of acute shyness is not only very painful to experience, but it can have devastating effects on a person’s social life, happiness, and career.
Severe shyness is a complex mix of biology, upbringing, traumatic experiences, and negative self-talk. Severe shyness can co-exist with other debilitating psychological conditions such as low self-esteem, perfectionism, depression and anxiety.
Extreme shyness can take many forms, and can show up differently in different people. Some very shy people have problems being in large gatherings, yet feel comfortable in small groups. Some shy people only feel acute discomfort with persons they have just met, while others are never comfortable around people, even with those they have known a long time.
Psychiatrists and psychologists use term “social anxiety disorder (SAD)” to describe extremely debilitating shyness. There isn’t complete agreement about whether severe, disabling social anxiety disorder is simply a more severe type of shyness, or whether it is another type of disorder altogether.
Some very shy people are able to overcome their fears by learning social skills and practicing them frequently in social situations. Many also find it useful to gain some measure of control over their uncomfortable physical reactions such as sweating and trembling, by using special relaxation techniques and bio-feedback training.
Many very shy people deal with their extreme anxiety by simply avoiding any social situations that might trigger their discomfort. This may mean turning down invitations to parties and other social events, crossing street in order to avoid running into someone they know, and even turning down promotions at work.
Although avoiding feared situation may seem to shy person like perfect solution, it actually makes problem worse in long run. Every time a shy person chooses to avoid social interaction, he reinforces in his mind how much he fears dealing with other people. By choosing short-term benefit of avoiding his anxious feelings, he reinforces power that his fear holds over him
Psychologists who specialize in treatment of shyness disorders have discovered that avoiding social situations can actually make problem worse. Many psychologists who treat people afflicted by shyness recommend a program of repeated and gradually increasing exposure to feared situation, combined with helping client learn new ways of thinking.
Various psychological therapies have been used to treat extreme shyness, most of them with limited success. The most successful approaches use some variation of cognitive therapy, or behavioral therapy, or both of these, combined with graduated and increasing exposure to feared situation.
In cognitive therapy, patient is taught to notice thoughts he is thinking while he is in feared situation. The client learns to challenge his thoughts to see if they fit reality. If these thoughts do not match reality, client is taught to substitute more realistic thoughts in their place.
