Have you ever finished a presentation or meeting wishing you had put your point across better?

This article is not about keeping cool or holding your temper before you speak, although that would not be a bad thing for many of us at times! The focus is going to be about improving your ability to influence others, especially when communicating verbally.

How often do any of us stop to think before we speak? It is probably fair to suggest that most of us tend to decide what we want to achieve or point we want to put across – then we launch into speaking. If you recognise yourself in this, you are in vast majority. Taking a short time to consider a few other factors can improve our effectiveness. One message which can help to improve our impact (and reduce frustrations!) is to acknowledge: “the meaning of my communication is response I get.”

When we are in face to face communication generally accepted figures indicate that only 7% of impact of our message is due to actual words and balance is made up from non-verbal elements, including tone of voice. Although words themselves are only a small part, and need to be congruent with other elements for our message to carry real impact – they are still vital to effective communication.

It is strange to think how little training we get in speaking and listening as means of communication! Yet, in our adult lives, majority of our interactions are based on verbal communication. When you think back to your school days, how much time was spent on learning to read and write? (Although, when we consider current levels of literacy we may want to debate whether this is particularly effective!)

To improve our impact when we need to deal with people face to face, whether on a one to one basis or in groups, it can help to stop and think of a few things before we launch into whatever we want to say. One of first things is to consider our audience first. When we are “receiving” any communication it passes through various “filters” before we decode message. These can include:

• Our own mood and emotions will influence how we receive message.
• Our impression of sender
• Past dealings with that person
• How message impacts on us
• Our level of understanding of words being used
• How we process words
• Our internal “programmes”

As we go through life we develop our own style of expressing ourselves. The key to becoming more effective is to increase our flexibility, so that we can present our messages to suit receivers.

Take a moment to think about options here. Suppose we were to describe a holiday resort.

Imagine clear blue sky, and lovely sea with sun’s rays reflecting off it in bright spots. The white sand of beach, small beach bar with people sitting around, looking tanned and smiling as chat together. The view inland is of bright white cottages and buildings going up hill with dark green leaves of olive trees.

Maybe, you can imagine warmth of sun, feel of sand. The water feels so welcoming as you walk into sea. When you come out of there and head for bar, it is thought of cold drink slipping down and feeling good about being relaxed. The smells of what they are cooking on an open grill waft across to make you think about eating.

May I present: The Unofficial Internet Posting Rules.

1. Always assume that other person has good intentions.

There you are, sprinkling comments here and there and having a fine old time, when suddenly up pops someone who begs to differ. A good debate can be envigorating, but if things escalate, you may begin to feel attacked and/or misunderstood. Do you have a right to feel this way? Who is attacking who anyway?

Internet conversations feel remote because they are. You can't diffuse a tense conversation by cracking a joke or meeting someone's eyes with a silent apology. Internet 'arguments' can string along for days because, unlike a verbal argument which quickly fades from your memory, they're harsh words frozen in time. Someone who is ripping you a new one on public forum may actually be a wonderful person who thinks a lot like you, but you wouldn't know because all you see are those hostile words on screen that won't go away!

For this reason, it's unbelievably important not to take internet skirmishes to heart. The truth is, you may be taking offense for no good reason. And even if someone really does seem to be out for your blood... who cares? Click away and they're gone. Besides; world is watching. How much of a scene do you want to make?

2. Ditch sarcasm.

Sarcasm really does not translate on internet. Sarcasm is my favorite form of communication, so believe me I've tried. People can't tell by your tone or gestures if you're serious, kidding, scathing, or what, so if you want to communicate effectively and efficiently, steer clear of sarcasm. I'll give you an example of sarcasm causing confusion on internet.

Networker 1: Say, Networker 2, how was that teleseminar you attended?

Networker 2: It was really something special.

"It was really something special." Hmmm. What could that mean, exactly? Sounds a little smart-alecky, but who knows! The reader can't be sure, so a straightforward answer might be better option. "The guy was a good speaker, but I felt like he was telling me things I already knew. I'll have to pick a more advanced course next time." Now, there's a complete answer that's based in fact and well-expressed!

Some people use emoticons to convey when they're being sarcastic, such as smiley :) for "just kidding" , wink ;) which might mean, "I'm just teasing," or guy-with-his-tongue-out :P-- "I know I'm being goofy." Other people use internet gestures, like *grin* and :::shiver:::.

Emoticons are okay for a less formal public forum setting, but not so much for business networking. Use them sparingly. How are you supposed to appear professional if you're throwing (((hugs))) everyone's way? I don't know about you, but I don't go around hugging people I don't know!

All this being said: stick to literal communication whenever possible. I know more than anybody how tough this is. If you're really unsure about it, you can always just be a forum 'lurker' for a while, until you get hang of how it's done. 3. Instead of offering opinions, ask questions.