There Was A Time, When........Written by (Pat @Maxaid)
There Was A Time, When........ There was a time when "Explode" meant to destroy, not to build. There was a time when "Guru" meant a religious teacher in India. There was a time when "Internet" was UseNet. There was a time when "Free Ezine Ads" was productive promotion. There was a time when "Ezines" were for most part, informational. There was a time when "Ram" was a male member of sheep family. There was a time when "memory" was all in your mind. There was a time when "Submit" meant to yield or give in. There was a time when "Traffic" was something you wished to avoid. There was a time when "Hits" was usually used as a military term.
| | Zombie, and Other Assorted Un-dead TypesWritten by By S. Joan Popek
The most notable feature of zombies and other dead things is that they are not very smart. Something happens to their logical thinking process in nether world just before they rise again to terrorize their chosen hero and heroin. Speaking of heros, have you noticed that there is always one of each gender of hero/heroin–male and female–everyone else is always killed off so they can be alone. Romantic, right? And they always kiss at least once and usually during most dangerous time, when in real life they would both be having a hard time just keeping their quivering kidneys in check. I know if a dead thing was chasing me, I’d definitely have an urgent need for closest powder room. But, I digress. An un-dead creature’s intelligence level is obviously to be questioned. Remember Frankenstein’s monster? Bulldozes right through wooden doors designed to keep an army of bloodthirsty, marauding hordes out. Then what does he do? He forgets where he’s going and stops to smell a flower and smile at a sweet, little street urchin who’s out panhandling for her shiftless mother. When he remembers that he’s supposed to be a killer, he growls and lumbers out into smog to find victims. Now where is logic in that? There was a perfectly good victim standing right in front of him, easy pickings, no fuss, no muss. Did he recognize it? No. Instead he spends half night chasing screaming peasants around cold, damp, cobbled streets and ends up going down in flames for his efforts. Duhh! What about Zombies? They will stand and beat on a door that hero just slammed in their faces for hours. Hello, dead things! Use other door for Heaven’s sake. (Okay, maybe not for Heaven’s sake, but you get idea.) Or why don’t they use window? But nooo, they keep pounding on that one door until it splinters and instead of turning door knob, they thrust their arms through and growl because they can’t quite reach iron-kidney hero who just pushed heroine out other door so they can run away. The delay, of course, gives hero and heroine plenty of time to get away, kiss and other assorted mushy things. Meanwhile zombies are still trying to figure out how to turn damned door knob.
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