The reasons for my low self esteem

Written by Stephen Hill

Author Stephen Hill

I have had many confidence issues in my life, all of which I have either dealt with or overcome. I have written about some of these issues below.

1. The Bald Patch

2. My height

3. My weight

4. The stutter

5. My lack of belief in myself

6. My career


Even though to some people it may seem trivial, I was born with a bald patchrepparttar size of a ten pence piece. As I went through childhood and especiallyrepparttar 146796 teenage years I became more and more self-conscious and paranoid about it.

It was especially noticeable when it rained or when I went swimming as my hair would become wet. People at school would ridicule me and I was forever trying to hide and coverrepparttar 146797 bald patch even though most people knew about it.

It hurt when people laughed at me and eventually I stopped going swimming altogether.


Out of all of my close male family and friends, I amrepparttar 146798 shortest at 5ft 4. This probably should not influence my confidence however with people continually looking down on me it did. I have been called many names,repparttar 146799 nicest being “Shorty”.

I was always jealous of other people taller than I was. I hoped that one day I might have a late spurt. This never came.

My height affected me with sport. I wanted to be a striker at football howeverrepparttar 146800 coaches only wanted people over 6ft tall. At snooker I am constantly have to userepparttar 146801 rest which makes it difficult to play up torepparttar 146802 best standard and at tennis I was constantly being lobbed. It also meant that I only felt comfortable dating women 5ft 3 and under which reducesrepparttar 146803 available market considerably.


During senior school I was very thin. This may have beenrepparttar 146804 result of my parents turning vegetarian when I was twelve. Atrepparttar 146805 time there were very few replacement foods and it seemed as though we went from having meat and two veg to just two veg.

As my parents cookedrepparttar 146806 food I had little option but to also turn vegetarian. After a few weeks I approached them and told them that I missed and wanted to eat meat. They were understanding to a degree and said:

“If you want it, you cook it”

At this age I could only really be bothered to cook properly a few days ofrepparttar 146807 week and that gradually became less and less.

People at school would call me names like skin and bone and my weight became another area of paranoia for me.


Atrepparttar 146808 age of four I developed a stutter. This became gradually worse as I became older even though my parents were told that I would grow out of it.

For what fluent people would class as simple tasks like reading from a book at school, answering questions, saying my name and address, ordering items atrepparttar 146809 bar or in a restaurant, and speaking onrepparttar 146810 telephone became a constant battle.

It was a very frustrating impediment, as I seemed to be able to talk quite fluently to people I knew well and whom I felt comfortable with, but at other times especially under any form of pressure could not say a word.

What to Look for in the Person You Marry

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach

Keely is 30 and has been married for about 6 months. Last time we talked, she was expressing dissatisfaction withrepparttar man she’d married. They had disagreements over political issues that were influencing where they shopped, where he worked, and what TV shows they watched. She was wondering if she should’ve gotten married at all.

“Why did you marry him?” I asked her, and there was a long silence. Finally, “Because I was in love with him?” she replied, and it came out as a question. “I guess I never thought about that,” she added.

Because I coach people, I hearrepparttar 146791 many different reasons why people marryrepparttar 146792 people they do, but it often comes out in terms of unmet expectations. When we aren’t clear about what we want out of marriage, regardless ofrepparttar 146793 person involved, and don’t check things our beforehand, it can lead to heartbreak.

What we expect from marriage is deeply ingrained is us, from our families of origin, and from our culture. You may come from a background that assumesrepparttar 146794 man will berepparttar 146795 provider, andrepparttar 146796 woman will take care ofrepparttar 146797 house, and both spouses will take an active part in child-rearing -- not just wiping noses, but training, values and character development. If you marry someone whose expectations arerepparttar 146798 same, things will go fairly smoothly.

But what if you’re a man withrepparttar 146799 above expectations, who marries a woman who comes from a family whererepparttar 146800 women all had active and successful careers, and also took major responsibility forrepparttar 146801 upbringing ofrepparttar 146802 children, wanting only forrepparttar 146803 man to provide his portion of their upkeep, but to stay out ofrepparttar 146804 training?

There are many expectations we have about marriage, and we might as well call them emotional needs, because if they aren’t met we aren’t going to be very happy. It can destroyrepparttar 146805 love we initially had forrepparttar 146806 person. The better you can define these assumed needs to yourself, and torepparttar 146807 person you’re considering marrying,repparttar 146808 betterrepparttar 146809 chances of finding someone who feelsrepparttar 146810 same way.

Vocabulary is very important here. I hear many men, for instance, saying they want “companionship.” Fred said that in his second wife he wanted “companionship,” and he fell in love with Lisa. Lisa wanted companionship too. The trouble arose when it turned out companionship meant to Lisa someone to talk to, share ideas, feelings and thoughts with, and relate closely intellectually and emotionally, with lots of open conversation, and to Fred, it meant recreational companionship. He wanted someone to sail, bike ride and play tennis with him, and without a lot of talking. Lisa and Fred both wanted someone they could hang out with, butrepparttar 146811 nature of that hanging out was very different, and, ultimately unbridgeable.

Inrepparttar 146812 meantime, there can be those stalemate fights that turn into imbroglios, whererepparttar 146813 man yells atrepparttar 146814 woman, “But I want companionship (play golf with me)” andrepparttar 146815 woman yells back, “But I’m giving you companionship. (I love to talk to you)” Or she says, “I wanted you to help raiserepparttar 146816 children” (teach them) and he replies, “Well I earn allrepparttar 146817 money, don’t I?”

Some of things we expect from a marriage include: recreational companionship, intellectual companionship, physical affection, verbal affection, esteem, admiration, respect, financial support, domestic support, intense emotional relating (which is also called “companionship”), sexual fulfillment, working toward idealistic goals (such as political activism), fidelity, one who prefers to lead or to be led, good looks, athletic ability, a genetic parent for your children, and so forth. Define as well how you want these manifested. Admiration can be silent or vocalized. Affection can be physical or verbal.

Cont'd on page 2 ==> © 2005
Terms of Use