Title: The Tyranny of Good Girl, Good Boy

Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 789 Category: Relationships, Emotional Healing

The Tyranny of Good Girl, Good Boy By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Many of us grew up in households where our profound needs for love and safety were not met. We did not feel safe and loved in face of disapproval, criticism, rejection, abandonment, smothering, engulfment, physical abuse, sexual abuse. We did not feel safe when there was yelling, fighting, violence, substance abuse.

We had to do something to feel safe. Some of us figured out that we could have some control over our parents’ or other caregivers’ behavior if we were really good, if we attempted to do everything right. We figured out that if we disconnected from ourselves, from our own feelings and stayed acutely tuned into feelings of those around us, we could have some control over getting some approval and avoiding what we feared. We learned to feel a degree of safety by being a good girl, a good boy.

The problem is that, while we may have had some success with this strategy in our childhood homes, this same strategy is now causing our problems in our relationships at work and at home. When we disconnect from our own feelings, we become invisible to ourselves. Others end up treating us way we treat ourselves, so we become invisible to others as well. As adults, we end up bringing about very rejection we are trying to avoid, because we are rejecting ourselves.

Take case of cancer patients who were given placebo pills. These are just plain pills that have no healing capabilities. So how did they get well?

The power came from their thoughts. They were told that these pills contain highest amounts of cancer-fighing ingredients which can effectively cure them in a matter of days.

See how powerful your mind is?

They believed that their health will be restored. They have registered in their minds that these pills will cure them of their illnesses. In process, belief embedded within their subconscious came to reality.

So how can you use your mind to achieve your dreams? One of most effective ways is to use "as if" principle.

Act as if you are person you want to be. Act as if you are already in possession of whatever you long to have.

So what do you want to be? You want to be a lawyer, doctor, athlete, or newscaster? Think, act, and feel like one. You'll be much closer to your goal if you're constantly intact with your objective. Be obsessed with your dream. It doesn't mean that if you want to be Superman you'll fly out window. Not a good idea!