The Thing With No Name

Written by Merrill Guice

I don't name a lot of things. My car has no name. My house has no name. None of my guitars has a name. Some people would think I was completely impoverished. No, make that many people.

I first discoveredrepparttar need to name when I took a liking to a certain hat many years ago. I wore that hat in what could be called true cowboy style -- I never took it off. Well, I didn't wear it to bed or inrepparttar 118258 shower, but everywhere else you found me you found it. People began asking me if my hat had a name. When I told them thatrepparttar 118259 hat was nameless, they would begin what I calledrepparttar 118260 hat dance.

First, they believed thatrepparttar 118261 hat had a name and that I wasn't sharing it. Then, they became angry because if they spent 90% of their waking hours with a hat, it would have a proper name and why couldn't I be like other people and not be so weird. They would say that I had no heart and didn't love my hat enough to give it a name. Just before they would walk away, there would berepparttar 118262 acceptance that I had indeed resistedrepparttar 118263 urge to anthropomorphize my hat.

The question became a conversational gambit forrepparttar 118264 small talk impaired. Right afterrepparttar 118265 "Hi, how are you"s would comerepparttar 118266 inevitable "what's your hat's name?" Had I not been a penniless student atrepparttar 118267 time, I would have boughtrepparttar 118268 hat business cards and taken to introducing it around asrepparttar 118269 hat-with-no-name. Instead, I came up with a cheaper solution -- a smart alec reply.

"If I gaverepparttar 118270 hat a name, then it would have top billing!", I would protest. That witty reply fell flat about everywhere I dropped it, but I am nothing if not dogged in my loyalty to it.

My car didn't have a name either, for a while. My friends drove Betsies and Ediths and Sams while I made do with a generic no-name Volkswagen that hadrepparttar 118271 nasty habit of opening its passenger door when I made a left-hand turn. It was during one of these exciting moments that my friend, Bill Postel, christened my car. After we stopped to wipe offrepparttar 118272 seat, he finishedrepparttar 118273 job by naming my car "The DeathTrap."

Here was something my friends could appreciate -- a man who had a name for his car. I knew I had arrived when one ofrepparttar 118274 car-less girls atrepparttar 118275 college radio station came up and asked if she could borrow "The DeathTrap" to run up torepparttar 118276 convenience store. My car had a name. It must be friendly. Tell that torepparttar 118277 guy who bought it from me only to haverepparttar 118278 engine toss a rod onrepparttar 118279 way home. Silly me, I neglected to tell him thatrepparttar 118280 car had a name.


Written by Dan Reinhold

Floorspace By Dan Reinhold

Odd how frighteningrepparttar unknown can be.

The other day, I encountered something so rare and unusual, it was like a dream.

The last unexplored and little understood frontier.


With two boys inrepparttar 118257 house, pandemonium isrepparttar 118258 norm. Both toys and clothing desertrepparttar 118259 confines of bureaus and shelves, instead preferring to claim their rightful place onrepparttar 118260 bedroom floor where they are much closer to hand.

The wide expanses upon which we walk provide a home to all that land upon it - wrappers, paper, books, blankets, hermit crabs...

Oh...that's another story.

The reassuring squishes, crunches and snaps bring comfort torepparttar 118261 young overseers, confident that somewhere below...the floor is there.

I entered this domain with an awe borne of my desensitisation to shock atrepparttar 118262 sight. Valiant and determined forays to tamerepparttar 118263 wilderness had always been undone by its rapid regrowth, rivaling any spreading menace known to man.

This day, my eye lit upon a sight so strange, so wondruous that I was transfixed by it. The legends were true,repparttar 118264 evidence revealed...Inrepparttar 118265 middle ofrepparttar 118266 room, was a flat,, shallow space foreign to its surroundings. It was like gazing uponrepparttar 118267 Holy Grail.

Cont'd on page 2 ==> © 2005
Terms of Use