The notion of soul mates stems from concepts of reincarnation and karma. Soul mates are defined as two souls reincarnating alongside each other over and over again, playing different roles to each other, such as lovers, adversaries, parent and child, victim and murderer, coworkers, etc. Some will argue soul mates were separated at beginning of time, and so in each lifetime they seek to reunite in some way.

If you were to find your soul mate, theory is you would be able to instantly recognize him or her. You would feel connected, at home, recognized, valued, loved again, instantly. The two of you will reconnect, fall in love all over again and live happily ever after.

Unfortunately, this is not quite how soul mate thing works. Here are some sobering thoughts about notion of soul mates:

* Each of us could have an unlimited number of soul mates. We have many close relationships in a lifetime, so who is to say any one or all of them could be our soul mates?

* Intimate relationships with soul mates are less likely to work out. That's because if someone is truly your soul mate, you have been around block with each other too many times in too many different ways. Along with intense passion for each other, you will also feel intense anger and resentment.

* If you instantly recognize or feel connected to someone, does that automatically mean he or she is your soul mate? It could be that this person simply has very similar childhood family patterns or adult dating patterns as you do, allowing you to feel instantly at home.

* If you immediately recognize someone who was a lover in one past life and an adversary in another, how likely is an intimate relationship between two of you to work out?

Here are some other things to keep in mind during this transformative time:

· Avoid any big decisions.

· Go into pain and feelings. There is no way out but to get through it...and you will!

· Take long aromatherapy baths with appropriate holistic blends. See recipes below.

· Cry when you need to. Don't let others tell you to just get over it.

· Be VERY selfish.

· Surround yourself with positive and happy people.

· Dare to ask for a lot of hugs.

· Get a dog or cat, or cuddle with ones you have.

· Write really awful, bitchy, letters to your ex. Write everything you would love to say. Burn them in sink. Run water to make it go away.

· Love yourself. Look in mirror as often as you can and say wonderful things about yourself aloud.

· Write your way through feelings.

· Connect with other people who understand and can relate: friends, counselors, message boards on websites, etc.

· Have a healthy lifestyle: eat well, exercise (at least get some fresh air on beach, at park, etc.).

· Nourish your soul with beauty: watch movies, read poetry, go to museums.

· Meditate.

· Stay alone and appreciate tranquility of your aloneness.