The Seven Keys to Child Obedience
by Anthony Kane, MD
Learning obedience is an important part of child development. This is tool that allows you as parents to train your child. Through obedience your child will learn self-control and develop other positive character traits that he will need as an adult. However, obedience cannot be forced upon child. Parents who simply command their children will foster resentment, which will eventually lead to rebellion. In fact, some researchers feel that poor parenting techniques contribute to development of oppositional defiant disorder in some children. Although you can punish a child for not obeying, this will not foster any long-term obedience. When child reaches his teen years and becomes more independent, punishment will only serve to destroy already faltering parent child relationship.
Our goal then is not to force our children to obey us, but to get them to want to obey us. This willingness to obey will only come about if parent's commands are based upon seven principles.
1-Loving Concern for Child
A child knows quickly whether a parent's demands are for sake of child or for personal convenience of parent. If parent's primary motive for giving orders is to make his own life easier, then child learns to place his own interests first, also. If you want to be successful in raising your child, then your reason for giving orders must be for benefit of your child. When your child senses that your demands are for his sake, he will much more readily obey you. He knows that it is for his own good. He will know that any demands made of him, no matter how unpleasant, come from a genuine concern for his welfare.
2-Sincere Respect for Child
Parents must respect their children. This is a concept that is not well practiced by our society. Western society focuses on possessions. Somehow in back of many parents' minds their children are counted among those possessions. We must remember that our children are not objects, but people. As people, they are deserving of respect. We must remember to give respect to our child to same degree we would like others to respect us.
Very often our children do things that bother us. This is usually unintentional on their part and is just a reflection of their immaturity. However, if we show our children that we are annoyed they will begin to resent us. This resentment feeds their desire to rebel against our wishes. One of our goals as parents must be to try to keep our negative emotions in check.
Nothing gains a child's cooperation more than a gentle tone of voice. Speaking softly helps us to control our negative emotions, especially anger. A soft voice soothes and is more likely to be met with cooperation. It creates a relaxed atmosphere and is reassuring to children.
When we speak in a soft voice it also conveys strength. We show our children that we are in control of situation and not merely reacting to it. If only step you take is to control volume of your voice, particularly in stressful situations, that alone will foster better child compliance. You will find that everything around you goes more smoothly.