Take for example war in Iraq.

Cases of kidnapping and car bombings have skyrocketed in recent months. Despite best efforts of our armed forces and appointment of Iraq's Interim Government, situation on ground is rife with violence and terrorism.

Rightly or wrongly, justification for war was based on two things. First of all that Saddam was stockpiling weapons of mass destruction that posed a threat to our security, and second, that former Iraqi regime had links with al-Qaida.

Last week, commission investigating reasons behind attacks of September 11 dismissed idea that Saddam Hussein was involved. President Bush quickly countered that there have indeed been "contacts between Saddam Hussein and al-Qaida."

With US election looming, no doubt these arguments will continue.

Whether or not you believe case for war in Iraq was justified, there is something much more profound going on that hasn't really been talked about.

The attacks of September 11 brutally reminded us of threat posed by terrorists. Of course a certain level of fear is useful in fight against terrorism.

On other hand, our *fear* had a large part to play in *creating* a situation of terrorism, where before it may not have existed.

It occurred to me I should just jump into what often feels like “muck” of a better relationship with self because that is so often where intense work is being done. It can seem like a crisis or scuffles of getting through day. Instead of focusing on our relationship to self, creator of perceptions we are reacting to as absolute truths, we too often turn glaring spotlight on others in our lives.

This tendency traps one in a victim role where others hold power to dictate what we feel or do. To quote Steve Biko, “The greatest weapon of oppressor is mind oppressed.”

Consider that there are so many chances to look at how you talk to yourself, rather than obsessing about what your partner may have neglected to say to assure you or colleague who didn’t hand you an agenda at meeting when everyone else got one.

Usually, it seems this opportunistic moment is precisely one where we often select to falter, back track and undo work that’s been accomplished instead of seizing opportunity to move even closer to goal, our true destination— ourselves.

There is an intangible quality to choices and experiences. I believe this is why we have visceral reactions to them. For now lets just agree to call this idea of intangible substance energy. This energy is expressed in demeanor, attitude, and deeds put into being, when they are not productive we must find courage to be honest about that reality.

The self is calling you to claim your gifts, which exist to provide you with a temporal road map to success. The mission is to unearth, learn from, and apply it with intention of eventual mastery. This is point where a simple plan becomes an important part of “getting on with it” in a way that is meaningful.

But what is key to doing this? I have shared above with several people and too many didn’t get it. It wasn’t what they wanted to hear, so I wondered, “Had I failed or had they?” And did that matter? After all, its not as if we are in school being graded. But then again, isn’t that exactly what we do to ourselves?

To use phrase coined by Iyanla Vanzant, people get grounded in “Spiritual Special Ed” where they keep creating same drama over and over again. Yet, they react in same way and waste even more time by pouting over it and then in effect starting all over to end up acting out same script again as if they are oblivious to opportunity to choose to react differently.

Each time they are re-victimized, perhaps this is a consequence of a fear-based society, but since not everyone subcomes this can’t ultimately, in my opinion, be used to justify self-defeating responses.

My decision on issue of who failed? Once I clarified what my goal was and what need was that I was attempting to help other person address my focus became how to shift experience into one that was mutually empowering.

After getting permission to share examples from our work together, I decided to share specific examples based my case studies in hope of illuminating critical aspects of recovery from battered self-esteem and its symptoms.