You may see someone you know in Anthony ? perhaps even yourself.
Anthony plays role of "the savior." He feels responsible for just about everyone?s reality. He believes he must rescue them and keep them well and happy. . He feels he has failed in his "role", and cannot rest, as long as someone he feels responsible for is not well and happy. Others easily use or control him by making him feel responsible for fact that they are not well or happy.
When he is with others, he has difficulty identifying his own needs. In this role "others? needs are more important than his." He avoids expressing needs that would prevent others from getting what they want. Playing savior often causes him to become "victim" of those he is trying to "save."
He is so preoccupied with other people?s problems that he seldom recognizes or confesses his own.
His family, however, complains that he gives more time to solving other people?s problems than theirs. He does care about his family, but receives greater satisfaction of recognition and self-worth from solving others? problems.
He often feels used, tired and resentful that he spends so much time on others while they rarely reciprocate. He worries about others and becomes stressed about their situations and difficulties. He advises them and he tries to control them, exerting pressure on them (for "their own good," or to "prevent them making a mistake" and thus possibly ruining his "results").
He criticizes and rejects others when they make mistakes or when they do not follow his directions or orders. He gives advice even to those who do not ask for it and feels disappointed when they do not follow it. He attracts to himself people with problems and rejects himself for not being able to "save" them.
He finds it difficult to confess or express his weaknesses, needs, fears or his own problems. He fears, that in doing so, others will see his faults and lose respect for him.
As a child, he was programmed to believe he was responsible for his siblings, a role his mother had also played.
Some beliefs that engage him in this role are:
1. I am responsible for others? reality. 2. Without me, others cannot progress - cannot be well. 3. It?s my fault if others are not well. 4. If I am not able to create a perfect reality for them, I have failed in my role and am not worthy. 5. If others are not happy with me, I have failed and I am not worthy. 6. If others do not trust me, I am not worthy. 7. If others do not listen to me, do not obey me, do not follow my advice, I am incapable in this role and I am unworthy. 8. If I am no good in my role, I will not be respected and will be unworthy of their esteem. I will end up alone and will be in danger. 9. If I am not in control of things around me, anything can go wrong. I cannot trust others. If I am not in control, I am in danger. 10. If I show weakness or need, or if I have vices, I am in danger because: a. I will be rejected, unwanted, and in danger. b. My weaknesses will be used as a means to hurt me. 11. I am worthy only if I am in position of authority, i.e. teacher, savior, parent. Only then can I feel safe and secure. 12. If I am needed (as a teacher, parent, savior), I will not be abandoned. I will not be alone. Some beliefs which can free him from this role: