One kind of extramarital affair revolves around sexual addiction. The partner involved in affair, plain and simple, has a difficult time saying "NO." He/she may want to, but feels compelled to say "yes."
People can’t say no? Well, I believe we all have capacity, at some level, to say no. However, not all have developed that capacity or reached that level to firmly say no and mean it.
Some are “stuck” and seem to lack ability to consistently act on “no.” Please remember that all of us are “grabbed” by something and find it difficult to let go. Infidelity when connected to sexual addiction and its many forms, however, becomes a powerful focal point.
How to know if infidelity is attached to sexual addiction:
1. Sex takes on an inflated role or value. Sex, sexual conquest, sexual release becomes a powerful force. Acting on sexual impulse is a frequent activity. Thinking about sex likewise consumes an inordinate amount of time. Multiple ways of acting out sexually (porn, strip clubs, multiple sex partners, etc.) are common.
2. This activity is bound by fear. The person lives with fear: fear of getting caught, fear of consequences, fear of “being found out,” fear of being abnormal, fear of being punished, and fear of losing family, spouse, job and respect.
3. A promise/failure cycle ebbs and flows with inability to say no. After an “acting out” episode person usually experiences guilt/fear and promises to self or others, “I won’t do it again.” This will last...until “urge” is acted upon again. The spouse may be aware or unaware (but sense that something is not “right”) of “roller coaster” and succession of broken promises.