The Prodigal Prince Fred, (Tasmanian Fred, Royal Spoiled Brat)
THE SETTING Luke 15:11 "There was a man who had two sons.
Far away, long before children had beds, There lived a Tasmanian 'Devil' named "Fred" Prince Frederick Fifth, Son of Frederick Fourth Who ruled Tasmanian Kingdom, of course.
King Frederick was noble and goodly and nice The Tasmanians loved him- from mooses to mice They also loved King Freddy's nicely son "Ned" But oh how they hated that nasty Prince Fred.
Prince Freddy was snooty and cocky and smuggly He hung with his "gang", "The Tasmanian Thugglies" They loved to break furniture, quarrel, and fight And steal kiddies' candies on Halloween night.
They'd cruise through countryside hooting and howling Kicking kangaroos, shooting and scowling Scaring children asleep in their beds And thumping night owls on top of their heads; they'd
throw rocks through windows and break into stores They'd put piles of doo-doo by people's front doors And laugh at look in nice people's eyes When they stepped out and stepped in Fred's "poo-poo surprise."
And townspeople said, "For these prattles and pranks We'll break out our paddles- PRINCE FRED NEEDS A SPANK!"
And oh how they spanked him- they swatted and popped him But Prince Freddy liked attention it got him - His horrible habits would not go away So he pranked every night and got spanked every day.
Luke 15:12 The younger one said to his father, `Father, give me my share of estate.' So he divided his property between them.
But what Fred only knew was that he had grown weary Tasmanian teasing was boring and dreary He'd broken or messed up most everything there And he ached for a change- a breath of fresh air.
So he said "hey King Daddy-O, gimme my Money I 'm sick and I'm tired of you, Neddy and Mummy I'm gonna go where grasses are greener The girls are much cuter, cows are much leaner We'll conquer world, my Thugglies and me THEY'RE my real family- They love me, you'll see."
King Frederick wiped a big tear from his eye, said, "Dear Son Freddy, please don't say goodbye" The world is a jungle, cruel and abusing You'll get bamboosled, you'll get a bad bruising.
But Freddy shouted, "Quiet, you looney old man Just gimme my money, as fast as you can!"
King Frederick thought "I don't owe him a thing" But I'll follow counsel of Cousin King Sting Who said "Sometimes love is to let people be" for "If you love someone you must set them free."
King stood up and said, I'll give half of my kingdom Then Fred will see just how much I love him (But Freddy just stood looking bored and half-sick And said "good enough, Daddy, -let's make it quite quick!").
Out came servants with barrels and trunkets Silver by truckloads, Doubloons by buckets Deeds for land, for houses and castles Clothes with gold hats zippers and diamonds on tassles.
And when finally they'd loaded loot and booty Prince Fred turned around with a shout super-snooty "Good riddance, Good King, and Tasmania too I'll conquer world, just like I conquered YOU!
THE SQUANDERING Luke 15:13 "Not long after that, younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living."
So Fred bought a ship and a giant Jalope The Thugglies and some of girlies came hopping They sailed off to Greece, to Italia and Thebes Germania, San Pedro, Isle of Saint Dweebes Morocco, Swahili, Israeli, Bombay Calcutta, Cape Cod, Albakerkie and Spain The Thugglies all cheered "2,4,6, and 8 Freddie's Thugguly we 'preciate We really love you, not just for your money- You're every boy's buddy, and every girl's honey.
They sailed to Cape horn where Africans dance Got drunk on bamboo juice and wet in their pants (They drove Jalope all through Sahara 'til it broke down in hot desert weatha') They Flew on a flybird to HulaHuLoo And swiggled and swayed like hulahoo's doo They took a fast train to Bermuda for fishing And snork'ling and swimming and winnihee wishing Then off to Arabia seeking carpet- The magic one- and when found it Fred bought it They rode like wind on a magical flight So close to stars they could kiss them goodnight And they laughed and they sang and they never once worried ... Til they ran out of gas in Pougkipsee, Missouri Starving and thirsting from singing and lauging They searched out a truck stop for eating and gassing They ordered hamburglers and ice cream and coke- That's when Fred said with a gasp- "Friends, I'm broke!"
His 'friends' said, "Hey, Freddy-O, you must be jokin'" Fred said "I'm not..." and they started to choke him "Why have you brought us out here to Missouri?!"- they cried and they cried 'til their vision was blurry.
They beat Fred that night 'bout head and shoulders Kicked him and pelted him hard with small boulders, Then pooled every cent they'd embezzled from Fred Hopped a bird home and left Fred for dead.
PIGS Luke 15:14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need.
When Fred awoke in ditch next tuesday, Angry and dizzy and battered and bruisedy Seeing he needed some doct'ring and nursing He wobbled and bobbled back into Poughkipsee.
'These people will serve me as soon as they see My royal credentials, my choice pedigree I'm Frederick Fifth, Son of Frederick The Fourth Heir to crown of Tasmania, of course!'
"Tasmania!", they laughed, "why it sounds to me Like this boy's been eating wackety weed! He thinks he's a Prince, but it's clear, he's a fake (disgrace) From thuggardly look on his uggardly face He's nothing but trouble, repair bills, and grief Poughkipsee has no need for this little thief!"
Luke 15:15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. Luke 15:16 He longed to fill his stomach with pods that pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
So Fred limped down road, saw a farmer named Rooflus (fat, bald, and sweaty and dirty and toothless) Who said, "You can feed all my pigglies, you dooflus!"