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Title: The Powerful Secret to A Loving Relationship Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 656 Category: Relationships
The Powerful Secret to A Loving Relationship Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
There are many factors that go into creating a loving relationship. Certainly it helps if two people have some things in common regarding how they like to spend their time. It also helps if they have common values around religion or spirituality, around politics, environment, abortion, and personal growth. It helps if they both eat junk food or both eat organic food. It makes things easier if both are neat or both are messy, if both are on time people or both are late people. Physical attraction is also quite important. Itís great if they have common values around money and spending.
Yet a couple can have all of these and still not have a loving relationship if one element is missing. Without this essential ingredient, all other wonderful attributes will not be enough to make relationship work.
This essential ingredient is about intention.
At any given moment, each of us is devoted to only one of two different intentions: to control or to learn. When our intention is to control, our deepest motivation is to have control over getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe. When our intention is to learn, our deepest motivation is to learn about being loving to ourselves and others.
The motivation to get love rather than be loving can create havoc within a relationship.
Letís look at a typical relationship issue and see what happens regarding two different intentions. Jason and Samantha are feeling emotionally distant from each other, and they havenít made love in a month. The problem started when Samantha stated that she wanted to take an expensive vacation and Jason objected. Samantha got angry, Jason gave in, and they have been distant ever since.